As I recently posted Stories in the instagram the two texts and received a few messages in PM.
1."When the conversation gets hot, the best — silence and ask yourself the question: who now wants to be right or to be understood, or to be maintained, or..."
2." And you will see someone stuck somewhere in time, and that it now no".
Some people asked to explain the contents, others, mostly women, wrote that a pier and so all life is silent and be silent again?
Want to shed a bit of clarity in respect of matters on the example of personal history.
Not long ago I discovered that my tele-operator withdrew the money for the left of the subscription. I was angry about the fact that now you need to understand, to spend time on it and so on. My husband though didn't hear me complain, and stood on his subject that need the most time to control the funds.&When I realized that the conversation escalated, and we go for the third round, I realized I expect from him support and understanding, but he did it stubbornly does not. I'm from the unbearable feelings resorted to the technique which is described above in 2 texts: stopped useless conversation and ask yourself the question: "Who right now is something wrong? Who asks for support and wants that took his side?"
With all my raging energy was in comprehension, in a strong attention. It's frustrating, but! It took 2-3 minutes the strong observation of the state, while consciousness is stirred up 2-3 pictures from his childhood, when the child really needed the support. And as if the dawn came after the storm.
something has dissolved. Gone what you asked for support, disappeared something that screamed of understanding, lost the perception of the husband as dominant and "thicker skin". Resigned all claim to it about what it needs to be some other in this moment, understanding and sympathetic. I no longer needed the crutch in the form of support. Thus, our old recorded brain reactions put us in a strong dependence on other people. We become emotional beggars, while wishing to change the other person, in connection with which are emotional abusers, because they want the other person something would do for us now that our emotions have settled. Who admit their own inadequacy. A terrible thing, isn't it, friends!