In the first article we considered the type of thinking in which people live as if "draft" waiting for the right moment or leaving it to chance. Often does this behavior occur in the preparation phase and prevents to engage in the process. Today we will explore another aspect of this difficulty - "fear of mistakes" in which a person is afraid to experiment and prefer to choose each time habitual ways of behavior.

Consider the example.

the training on public speaking during the exercise, I invite participants to try a new way of preparation for public speaking. They should create a brief outline of the speech and recite it aloud, Alice, one of the participants sits and frantically trying to memorize the text. My question is: "Why aren't you preparing for the proposed method?"

Replies:

"I'm used to that."

"What you now do routinely? Just try a new way! And see what you think."

"I can't!"

of Course, it is her right to choose how to prepare for the upcoming performance. Me in this case, alarming the belief of Alice that she "can" make a different choice. And so even despite the fact that the usual way as any other may be counterproductive, anyway, the girl again and again selects it.

During her report, she said in a very strict tone, sharply utochnenie answering the questions of the participants and generally looks hard and detached, at the end of the classes, changing a habitual treatment in the group of "you", the formal "you" and looks into the eyes.

On the question, "What happened to you during a performance?" Alice replied, "it seemed to Me that everyone's judging me, and if I make a mistake, they will despise me!" While the audience liked the theme, which was confirmed by positive feedback from participants and many clarifying questions. With great respect to the participant, and such change of behavior was very concerned and surprised everyone present.

After discussions and feedback from some of the participants she realized that he didn't want to notice the respect and the more praise, "because I can relax and skip a beat". And most importantly, that she was able to understand that if she tries a new way here for training, nothing will not change dramatically in her life: she will not lose their jobs, will not reduce credibility in front of important people, etc. She used to perceive the whole world as enemy territory, where in no event it is impossible to make a mistake "because otherwise you will lose all respect and will sit on your head." The analysis of these installations was the subject of a separate article. The important thing is that in the next lesson, she was able to tell his lecture so that everyone applauded and it was a huge breakthrough.

this behavior is common, in this case, the present situation is assessed adequately, but instead the actual condition there are a lot of projections, fantasies, and ideas about how things can be bad. Causing anxiety, tension, dissatisfaction, etc., and this in turn significantly affects the behavior and therefore performance. Thus, not allowing the speaker to use all its capabilities.

it is Possible to assume that such behavior was preceded by trauma. When the pain experience is not possible, the person, to displace it, so that you do not remember what happened and when. But, the decision that was made is now the way to creatively solve the problem.

What is the creative solution?

Creative solutions - ability to find the best way to meet the need in each specific situation.

Once Alice got to cope with a difficult situation memorized text. After she repeatedly used this method, honed it and now refuse to that spent so much effort and that still worked, would have seemed impossible.

I repeat that it is her right to do. But if you think about it is this choice? Consciously whether she chooses every time to mindlessly memorize the text and is afraid of forgetting that one word, the whole world would despise her?

It's great that a period of time method, once selected, worked. But this does not mean that it will reliably work every time!

Try to understand what this means!

I Have no home interior doors, so I don't need to open them. I know that going from room to kitchen I don't need to grip the handle, twist it, etc. But if I come to visit a friend that has doors and will proceed in the usual way for me, who every day make me at home? That is, to pass from room to room without opening locked doors. I get my cones! And imagine if the offer to open the door I answer "No, I'm used to this. I can't help it!". And I will continue to batter his head into the closed door.

In the end you hurt me, I may seem a friend and the other guests are strange, maybe even break the door, miss the party, and God knows what other troubles I will survive, continuing to act in his usual way! When you get home and realize the absurdity of my actions, I have not only as a terrible sense of guilt and a desire not to fall for a friend's eyes, one word shame.

But in the case of a real door we understand how to turn the knob and through which door to go through. If not, try to understand, ask for help etc. And in situations associated with things like public speaking or somehow squander the opportunity to act in new ways. Because that requires or even offers situation. Forgetting that once you have chosen a method may no longer be relevant today.

for example, when you are a child who hasn't learned how to walk and talk. And suddenly you see how you fall a tree. Very creative solution would be in this situation to scream and shrink in a wheelchair. But if you are 40 and you are still the hazards react as well, maybe we should think about? When you are able to walk, you can simply move away from dangerous places.

Stereotypes.

Mental phenomenon in which we did not hesitate to act "on the machine" is called a stereotype. And it certainly has many positive aspects, as its main function to provide clear timely response to the stimulus. So, try to eat soup with a spoon a few times, we all remember that the soup is eaten with a spoon and we don't need to check for which table item it is better to eat soup. So when we are hungry, we are not looking to choose a spoon and quickly deal with the contents of the dish. But at the same time, there are many situations that require automaticity, and our presence and relevant solutions to appropriate this particular situation. One of these is public speaking. Even if you perform all actions automatically good, the performance will lose vitality and relevance because you will never have two identical audiences. Even the same people will each time with a different mood and different needs.

And if you want to make your performance alive, it is important to understand that trial and error is the only research and find the right path. Even the greatest speakers were once beginners, it is making mistakes and analyzing their mistakes, they succeeded. And as sings Zemfira: "Pain, it is useful and that makes moving on".

the rejection of the choice of new methods is, in fact, a rejection of growth and development. And what happens to any organism, which has ceased to grow and develop? Degradation and death. So think about whether or not the choice is the usual way of giving up on life?

Result.

the Usual behaviour is not always relevant. Life never stands still. And the fear that a mistake will lead to a complete collapse, may be an echo from the past and to have no relationship to the present.

Life is happening every second and it is important to learn to live it here and now, as we do each time encountering a different front door.

Just making mistakes and experimenting, you can get a taste of life and become a professional.

Summary.

the Main message which I try to Express that - living your life each time looking at the circumstances and being afraid to experiment, you are missing what is important to you and completely realize you. And like standing on the sidelines while your life goes. But you have one life and every event in your life will occur only once. The circumstances that prevent you to realise your ideas will always arise (whether it's echoes of the past, the awkwardness of the present or anxiety about the future). And we need to focus not on them but on the opportunities that gives you life, feel that you, and not afraid of anything. As we would not like life will never be serene and smooth. It is an illusion that if you cease to feel pain, suffering and disappointment life will be happier. Only through suffering we can know true happiness. Just dip in public speaking and his way of careful preparation, you can experience the joy of improvisation!