In the process of therapy often have to deal with the storm of emotions that, at one point, break out and sweep away everything in its path is good, that nurtured, petted and cherished people in their "proper" life.
We are taught from childhood how to be "good" girls and boys. We absorbed the feelings of "bad" such as anger - it destroys; sadness leads to depression and depression; envy develops a hatred for someone or to yourself; fear is still that a pest scarer, huh...
And with this "dowry", which gives us the family and society, we go through life, learning strategy for all like, to be pleasing, comfortable, helpful... at first the woman complies with the interests of the family, and then your own first or she children on feet have to put, and then she will start to live.
But let me ask you - How "helpful" a woman to teach my son to be a solver, and to teach a daughter to be happy?!
If our children are our continuation, if they first take their cue from their parents, who constantly sacrifice... what will our children learn? What respect, what feelings they would stand against us? And most importantly, how we will feel close to our children? Hide your emotions? To give an example of how not? We teach them how to hide their feelings?
Strongly against such social games. They are imbued with traps from the beginning to the end is about sacrifice, insincerity, self-deception, illusion, limits and restrictions... in this way, we cultivate within ourselves an unhealthy Ego, which knows everything, knows everything and controls everything!
About a year ago in a bookstore in my hands got an amazing book: "a Practical guide to finding inner harmony. The Toltec book of wisdom" (authors - don Miguel Ruiz and don Jose Ruiz). It formulated five simple, but important agreements that help balance our feelings, thoughts and actions, i.e. to bring into our internal life harmony and peace.
For example, I give them here:
1. Be honest with your words.
Be honest. You just say what I wanted to say.
2. Don't take anything into your account.
the Actions of others have nothing to do with you. Everything they say and do is a projection of their personal reality, your personal dream.
3. Do not build illusions.
Find the courage to ask yourself questions and to clearly Express their wishes. Make your treatment of the other as transparent as possible, to avoid misunderstanding, resentment and conflicts.
4. Do everything in full force.
At different times, your strength is different. But always, in all circumstances give in full, and then you won't condemn yourself, you torture yourself about something to regret.
5. Doubt, but learn to listen.
- Be responsible for every choice in life. It's your life; only yours and no one elses, and Wat appears that should be no concern what you do in your life.
Carefully read these wise words, I became even more convinced in the idea that the path to inner peace is impossible without working on the emotional sphere.
If we share the feelings into "bad" and "good", then we ourselves share as well. Instead of treating feelings as assistants, internal messengers (and they work, as a response to what was heard, seen or felt by a person), we condemn ourselves for the "bad" emotions.
Examples of similar experiences:
"Oh, I yelled at my kids! I'm a bad mother!!!"
"My husband calls me a meanie, telling me I need a urgent to do!"
"I'm disgusted with myself, dissatisfied with everything. I feel so sorry for his family."
"I could not resist and shouted obscenities... Now my husband is not talking to me. He offended me..."
- What to do?! The answer is simple - go with yourself in a space game :-)
I love the theatre metaphor, it helps to understand how we deal with ourselves, including volumetric and wild ;-)
So, if we want to begin to explore their emotions, we need to be in two roles - an actor acting on the stage and the audience sitting in the auditorium. The actor of this task is to allow yourself to experience any feelings and in a timely manner to show them. Attentive and aware the audience knows that nothing just happens (even a pimple on the nose just does not jumps :-) ). So, he watches for their feelings and trying to associate them with source of origin.
- to find out the sensitive viewer?
* the Offense is going where, pride.
* Anger comes from a place of disagreement or the need to protect his secret, meaningful, valuable.
* Irritation reflects an emerging dissatisfaction with the current situation and finding inner strength to manifest assertiveness in the implementation of the desired.
Often the irritation loosens the feelings of a man to make important step to find creative solutions, and saving output.
* Fear - the great seer, he early informs its owner of impending danger or that he is entering into previously untapped territory for them, where you need to show the animal sense of smell and alertness.
* Jealousy manifests that valuable inside of a person that lost them in the process of life.
* Sadness is a necessary condition in the difficult periods of life, they are born lyrical line of the melody and state the "light" that fill the heart and soul of nostalgia.
Emotions and feelings - our great assistants. If we establish contact with them, start to trust their messages, then we will fill ourselves with good assistants and install confidence in your feelings. Our natural intuition is integrated into our lives and will help in the orientation of the terrain ;-)
All these processes permit yourself to be different, to experience a variety of feelings and experiences, to call a spade a spade, lead to the fact that we gain integrity and contact with themselves.
Allow yourself to be grumpy old woman, a wicked stepmother and other "infamous" characters. Believe me, in them is hidden a lot of inner strength (I recommend to contact the resource set of metaphorical maps of Ognenko: "Find yourself in the fairy-tale images").
it is important that we learn to trust ourselves, others, world, universe; to anticipate different situations and to make their own decisions.
Be honest with yourself and listen to your feelings!
Be ALIVE, and NOT PERFECT!!!