Так-себе-мать. Снимаем чувство вины

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there was a very respected psychoanalyst who deal with early relationship of mother and child - Donald Winnicot. And he introduced the concept, translated into Russian as "good enough mother", in literal translation: "so-me-mother."
Why so good? Because for the harmonious development of the child does not need a perfect mom, it is even harmful! Surprised?
Tell:
  • jump in the development of the baby happen just in moments of unhappiness, when the mother guesses his desire comes from, that at this point, the child begins to understand the discomfort and its separateness from the mother. BUT! this dissatisfaction should be tolerated. The younger the baby, the less time it can survive without consequences.
  • if the mother is perfect, then 1) it is impossible to secede from it, when the time comes (if everything is so perfect, why to change something?), 2) the child near mother keenly feels his imperfection, and the mother in this case is inaccessible 3) the boys in the future problem - how to find a girl so perfect as a mom?
  • well, if in childhood the child will experience a wide range of emotions, with loving support of her parents, because "refined" child who grew up in an atmosphere of ostentatious prosperity and passive aggression, Oh, will have a hard time in the big world. The experience will not be razrulivaniya different situations. And children to cope better and release emotions, virasat if they are not banned
  • the task of parents is to give as more models of interaction, of course it is better-informed and constructive, but also the ability to admit their mistakes the child will come in handy
  • the image of the mother in the unconscious of the collective - that is, the "inner mother" of a person consists not only of a true mom, but also from the adults who surrounded him in childhood - the teacher, grandma, babysitter, neighbor, and so on. On the one hand, other people can give baby what you are not enough, but on the other hand, it is important eco-friendly environment.
  • No one will never replace the child's mother! In any case, the only and most dear to him. When from Europe
  • during the bombing of the 2nd world war the children were transported to a safe place, with good conditions, they suffered much, that was without parents. And in the cities under the bombs, children were much better and quieter - t to the mother (assuming the mother to cope with my anxiety).

Well, as it is already easier?)) Then here's another:
  • it is important to understand that cockroaches your child will inherit, and they are impossible to get rid of completely. Relax)
  • how could you not have played the role of a good mother, hiding from myself the true feelings, a small child sees directly, bypassing your head. Relax again) At least it will spend less energy, and before you know and the resources will appear to change something.
  • are you a live person (wow news, eh?) and they have the full right to make mistakes. It is very important then to understand what was happening, but the wine you this is not exactly assistant
  • the situation will not zapechetsya as trauma, if you will allow the child to vent his emotions. It is important to help him cope with them.
  • the more fulfilled mom, the happier the baby!
BUT! Not too often there are failures? Perhaps you fall into the baby's position or just poured into the baby of your emotions (how to calculate it, why it happens and what to do will write). In any case, you are responsible for their behavior, timely rest and relationship with the child.

loved this position of motherhood?


Mikhailenko Elena
2018-09-24
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