the



"I rush from one extreme to another, this is especially troubling in relationships: I am sure 100% that we should be together, then the total torture of a doubt, my man. How can that be?" br>
Today, we again turned to the questions from our readers and talk about confidence, including in the relationship. br>
Victoria, where the origins of feelings of insecurity in relationships? Depends whether it's from a partner, the circumstances or all the same inside?
- the General theme of extremes is very interesting. Domestic instability (and to start I always suggest internal, not external) has generally two causes: a problem with identity or unmet human needs. The question of identity is a very broad and deep, in fact, is understanding who you are in this world and what you want. We will reveal the subject in one of the following materials. In this context, I would like to talk about the needs that are somehow not satisfied with the man, but because he does not feel confidence, including in the relationship. br>
- That is the case in any General sense of uncertainty, not only doubt about the relationship?
- First of all you should change your question. Instead of: Why am I not confident in the relationship? - ask yourself: What will give me confidence in the relationship, why do I need it? And here the most interesting begins. When answering this question, it is easy to see which need is not satisfied. This technique, incidentally, can be used with the uncertainty for any other questions. So, let us examine this example. Confidence in the relationship usually gives a sense of stability, calmness, the feeling that I am loved, important to the other. In other words, it gives me a sense of self-worth and importance. What it says, what need is not satisfied? br>
- self-Worth, love for yourself?
- that is, the same love of self, which everyone already namozolil eyes and ears. But what to do, it's not going anywhere. The fact that confidence in something (in a relationship) or someone (a partner) is not a foreign feeling. All comes from within. When you love and appreciate, there is no urgent need to close was 100% "my man". Because simply I have 100% my man is me. And the other I allow to be different, unlike me and an endless list of criteria for an ideal partner. We're good together, and that's enough. br>
- But all art — movies, literature, music is thoroughly imbued with the idea of how important it is to find your man!
- Yes, it is. We are leaning towards finding someone who is the perfect complement, compensate for, improve our lives. But you need to look yourself. Anywhere from it not to go. You can go through many disappointments in other people just because never drew attention to himself. You know, when you're the one who need you, you save the other person from the heavy burden to be everything to you, what you are missing. And it's quite a different attitude. In fact, you're just sure that you'll be fine in any case, whether you are together or separately. br>
- When in love, scared to think about the possibility of parting.
- No need to think about it, but the option is always there. And just the confidence that you have inside, in itself, eliminates many fears. You accept that the person you love, a free person. Of course, I risk, but that's my choice. I understand that my partner may say "no" to me and it can happen after 5 years of marriage, after 10, maybe tomorrow.
- You want to say that it is better not to focus on "lived happily ever after and they died in one day"?
- Yes, you could say. Better tune in to "happily ever after" is the most important thing, but nobody knows how much time we are given. The fact that life has no guarantees. And of course, it's scary. But when the person who makes me happy is myself, so fear no loss. I'm not afraid that if my beloved will leave me, my life will finish. I understand its value, understand its value, I recognize his freedom and right of choice. Yes, it hurts me, it is difficult without this person, I'd worry about, but the end of the world will not be forthcoming. I recently discovered author Aleksandra Tsypkina, in his book there is a wonderful phrase: "Man cannot live without the only woman who can live without it." You know? br>
- Understand, yet difficult to accept that life without a receipt for a warranty:)
- Make it really hard that people we do not own or have a right to leave that job can dismiss that all can change overnight. But by the same token, life, by the way, can be unpredictable amazing and beautiful. To accept variability and instability of everything around you, inside yourself you must find support, love and trust. br>

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Cochin Vic
2018-05-07
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