a Woman in business can be for various reasons. For some it's a way of survival. For someone – time to socialize, something to occupy yourself in between. But there are many women for whom the business – the goal of self-realization. And for them it is important that those who are near it is understood, accepted and supported. Here is the story of Irina.
I am married for over 10 years. My daughter went to first grade. An important, joyous event. But… At the time my husband and I agreed that when my daughter becomes a girl, he'll help me with starting a business. I have a project idea, and need to be not only good wife and mother, but also to do interesting for me. But he strongly discourages me from this, saying, my idea of raw, non-competitive and it will be a waste of money. When I have nothing, I was very angry. And it will affect me and the atmosphere in the family.
I'm not working, my husband is a successful business. And in response to my requests for duty and he said, well, if you have nothing to do, turn to the education of our child, develop spirituality, go to yoga, learn to draw, learn Japanese language, watch cultural innovations that make our interesting family life, etc.
At some point I agreed with him, but then realized that it was, of course, all important, but the role only “homemakers” and Hobbies, which imposes on the husband, not very interesting to me. Want of self-realization. Before marriage I worked as a Project Manager, so experience in the business. And my idea is not so bad, if it is to work. And most importantly, I want to try because then I will always regret about it. I see no problem to combine the interests of the family and my personal. They do not contradict each other.
if I Should insist on or give up and accept his role, which sees me is my husband?
Yes, it is better to regret about made, than about not made. This subject, we often are working on in sessions with their clients. To find a balance between family and their Hobbies, their job – not easy, but possible.
What options are there, Irina?
1. To swallow the insult, to take the role, which took her husband and focus on family. And Yes, there is a high probability of formation of the complex of demand, hurt by the selfish-husband. That will eventually affect her self esteem and on relationships not the best way.
2. You can, of course, to use feminine wiles to convince him to take his chances: “if you really love me!”. But in case of failure, Irina will get a serious complex and will give the husband the right to never consider such initiative on her part.
3. It is possible to begin to ask my husband to give her the opportunity to develop direction in his company, to refresh and develop management skills under his tutelage.
But perhaps the best would be the following. And if you are in a similar situation - don't rush! Sand your project, calculate risks, opportunities, resources, make a business plan, consult with experts. And prepare a brilliant presentation for the husband, it should be understood that it will be format: not husband – wife, and the investor – startups.
Here's how the talks were held between Bobby Axelrod and his wife in the TV series “Billions" of where he used the technique “the translation of the shooter” and devalued the position of his wife. Below you will find a link to a video in which is inserted a fragment from the series.
thus it is necessary to use the full algorithm negotiation.
· Choose the best time and place for this conversation.
· to Prepare the opening and closing phrases, convincing argument of the benefits of your project.
· Configure itself on the businesslike style of communication.
· to Be ready for his interlocutor, and thus to prepare themselves. Psychologically. By the way, often such negotiations fail due to the fact that the woman is on the manipulation of men, in his skepticism that provokes replica, trolling, and react too emotionally, breaks down, hysteria.
· do Not completely reject the arguments of the husband, because of personal and spiritual growth is really important. While employed method of splitting the arguments of grain separated from the chaff: “With this agreement, and therefore no…”. By the way, in the manipulation of depreciation of the position of the opponent is often declared good intentions, behind which are hidden the true benefits of the manipulator.
In the negotiations each of the parties positions and interests. The position is that demonstrates a person of interest that stands behind this position, its goals, motivation, desires. The husband helps the wife in creating the business – it's his position. But why? His interest may be that he does not want to lose influence, it is convenient that the wife was financially dependent on him. Maybe the husband protects the wife from the stress and frustrations that accompany the business. Or he doesn't believe in her entrepreneurial skills, said that the project is doomed wives, and do not want to lose money, time and hassle, doing instead “her” business.
by the Way, think of what interest was at Bobby Axelrod on the negotiations with the wife?
Causes and interests men on which he takes precisely this position, can be different. And woman you need to correctly identify them. And then it will point to work on the negotiations of his doubts and objections, and the right motivation. You need to be prepared for so-called conflict of interest and to find a compromise.
Important! Experience Project Manager and owner, the first face of the company, it is still different degree of responsibility, tasks, functions, roles. You have to realize that take responsibility and in case of success and in case of failure.
Weigh the pros and cons and if you are ready – go for it!
How to conduct family meetings, identify positions and interests of the partner, to build a chain of arguments to overcome doubts and objections of the opponent – this is a topic for another conversation. And we'll talk.
If you want to know more about the secrets of communication in family or in business, come to my website kichaev.ru. There you will find a lot of useful and interesting information about the psychology of happiness and success. About my trainings and master-classes.
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Website of the psychologist Alexander Kichaeva http://kichaev.ru
Video on the topic of negotiations with the husband, see here:
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