the secrecy of adoption.
a Very striking example of how relationships are affected by the secrecy among relatives are the family of the adoptive parents. I'm talking about the controversial theme of the confidentiality of adoption. In the literature you can find many tragic examples of the impact of the secrecy of adoption on the relationship of the adopted child and his parents.
Many parents-adoptive parents who adhere to the confidentiality of adoption, based their decision on the child care issues, like why would he know about his mother-whore or father, a drug addict and a murderer, let it grow safely in safe conditions and be happy, we'll give him all the love that we have, there is nothing bad to know, and so on. This noble impulse, I do not dismiss. Moreover, the right to confidentiality of adoption parents enshrined in law.
I want to mention something else. Keeping the secret, the parents ignore the history of the child, deprive him of the right to know their origin (although the parents know her), give rise to additional "ghosts" it is not simple fate, burdened by a damaged attachment, emotional deprivation, often difficult diagnoses. In other words, not disguises do care for others, the real reasons?
In my opinion, parents-adoptive parents mostly prefer to keep the secret of adoption is not so much because of caring for the child, and for a number of reasons such as:
- to not mention the extremely painful subject of their own infertility
to be like a normal biological family,
-forget about his possibly tragic past (e.g., death of a son or daughter),
to cheat reality and history, to rewrite the story.
Or this option. Parents formally consent to the disclosure of adoption (such as correctly...), but no inner consent, and on the courses he said the right things, then we also have... and was told. Both in the pool rushed!.. And can't swim!.. And what to do about it do not know!.. Pain, fear, confusion, anger, powerlessness... And the child can not remain in a dualistic contradiction and anxiety begins even more to shake her... And parents?.. In such a situation usually occurs a rollback to the previous position in the concealment of secrets.
in Other words, the parents themselves cannot accept and to accept reality as it is and move on, and don't trust my choice of adoption and are deprived of the choice of the child, do not trust his affection and love. Unfortunately, to admit their own powerlessness and ask for help are not solved.
💥I personally such impulses cause sympathy, understanding, and acceptance of pain, but not such decisions and actions.
💥Healthy family relationships it is possible to construct by clear, direct interaction, often requiring considerable effort and courage. The courage to meet with their "ghosts", their pain, their grief, etc. It's a difficult path, requiring care, attention, caution and time. I, in turn, is ready to provide psychological and psychotherapeutic support.
💈Everyone has the right to secrecy, but he also needs to understand the implications for its conservation!
If You are burdened, any secrets You'd like to talk, come to the consultation and the therapy. Privacy is guaranteed! ✌️😁🙌
PS About the secret of adoption and clarification of the questions of the origin I highly recommend the book "How to tell the truth, adopted or adoptive child". Authors Betsy Keefer and Jane I. Schuler.