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In the last article we discussed a useful technique, which helps to establish relationships and to please others. We have formed the rules a nice compliment. Let's talk today about what the secret force of the compliment and why it is important to be able to distinguish it from flattery, praise and support.

what is the force of the compliment?

a Compliment is an important sign of attention, which causes positive emotions. When we say the compliment, we elevate the interlocutor and allow him to feel confident. It is a psychological "extension from the bottom", which results in trust.

As a compliment affects companion:

  • the Person receives a confirmation of his qualities
  • positive emotions appear
  • boosts mood and self-esteem
  • there is a feeling of sympathy for someone who made a compliment

Example of a good compliment:

a Colleague is good at playing tennis.

"Saw your submission yesterday. What you have a strong technique!"

How to enhance the effect of the compliment?

it is Possible to achieve a better effect, if you pay attention to what the interviewee is strong, and you do not. In the background of your failure in any business, the success of the interlocutor will look brighter and compliment is expressive.

a Colleague is good at playing tennis, but you are not.

"Saw your submission yesterday. What you have a strong technique! That would I learn. Perhaps you've practiced?"

what is the difference between a compliment and flattery and praise?

Flattery greatly exaggerates the dignity of the interlocutor. Flattery is obvious to all. This is a crude "extension from below", which causes suspicion and rejection.

for Example, a friend is sick and looks tired. And you say to her: "You look very beautiful tonight". Most likely, her reaction to such a strong exaggeration to be negative.

Praise gives the interviewee a positive evaluation. It is a psychological "extension on top", which causes anxiety. Therefore, it is less comfortable for the interviewee.

"Today you have made more calls to clients than yesterday. Well done!" it Seems that someone stronger and older can criticise and assess.

what is the difficulty?

Many find it hard to compliment because of the psychological discomfort from the "bottom extension".

for Example, it is difficult to compliment HR interview.

"it Was very nice to receive from you such prompt reply! Thank you very much, that drew attention to the summary and wrote to me!"

it is Easier to go in a psychologically comfortable position of a senior and praise. "You answer emails quickly. Almost within the hour"

the effect of the compliment is quite different than from praise. A compliment will come to you of the interlocutor, and praise will make him wary. If you want HR to help you pass the interview, it is important to learn to give a compliment.


the sessions my team and the career advisors train the ability of the candidate to pass the interview and honed mastery of the art of the compliment.

the author
Amsterdam 2014

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