What is promised, today I will talk about the reasons for the control.
to Say that the main reason for control and the dysfunctional family is probably an understatement, so I will try to explain.
People who are obsessed with control, come from those families, where some kind of serious problem or stress, broke the optimal emotional development of the child.
Strong long lasting, stressful event, illness (cancer, etc) or the death of a family member, mental illness, dependence on the surfactant, the tyrannical parents, with a hard and cold attitude to the child.
many children living in this a lot of stress, tension, anxiety, fear, constantly living in anticipation of trouble. Type “What will work with father, will he beat the mother of whether to swear at me and so on…”.
Trying to get this sometimes unbearable tension, children often unconsciously take on the responsibility as we all know, but what is happening in the family. And they have one goal, to survive and to love.
for Example, "the Pope cursed and punished me for what I allowed him to relax, I am guilty and bad". And since he swears very often “I feel that it's probably because of me" thinking the child. It all lasts months and years, forming a sustainable model avoidant behavior for which the illusion of control as a way of gaining psychological security, confidence, recognition and reliability.
If at some point in childhood, this mechanism was a means of survival, in later life, he acts in a sense as a "Procrustean bed" in the sense that prevents a person to live a normal life, build relationships and causes pain.
And because the needs of the child in this family was not recognized never enough were not satisfied and were not considered significant, then growing up into an adult, he ‘oblivion looks at herself" without knowing about them. &Nbsp; so it is easier to take care of others, ignoring their needs and interests.
And instead of having to deal with his pain in his soul and his psychological problems, the man rushes to save another, getting into a relationship model of the triangle of Karpman. Keeping the illusion, that the aid of the other, can fill the deficit of love and make it better.
And so as to save always fails and all, and love especially no hurry to share, to help and strengthen, come two more of the role of the aggressor and the Victim, which make the possibility of compensation for the person, more efficient, more refined.
Image picked up cheerful to sad note not to finish and a bit of Noir to step on)) there is always a way!!!
by the Way a very good test on our website on the propensity to co-dependency rekomenduju https://www.b17.ru/tests/sozavisimosty/