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One of the principles of psychotherapy is to postulate that the man himself is solely responsible for what happens to him, for his behavior and destiny. When talking about the consequences of our own actions, it is unlikely for someone to blame in the result set.

But this approach is only good for understanding conscious aspects of personality, relationships or the consequences of the committed actions. And this can greatly interfere with the analysis and interpretation of the cases does not depend on personal choice.

This article is about what can affect our destiny. Let's talk about this concept as a Shadow, how shadow energy can be transmitted from generation to generation and to influence the election and actions of the descendants.

We all know that children frequently repeat the fate of their parents. Sustainable behaviors can be traced back for several generations. Even if these generations live very differently.

It can be very similar experiences, recurring events and, at first glance, completely ridiculous minor coincidences.

And we do not always think that has received it in inheritance from their parents or grandparents.

It could be destroying complexes, relationship issues, illness, psychological disorders, old family schemes and scenarios that are simply stifle us. They can be considered as a blessing or Vice versa encumbrance created by our ancestors.

Our task, writes Jungian analyst Ashok Bedi, M. D. - to maintain the family heritage, promoting expression and development of our innate talent and to give up what hinders the progress of our Soul.

In Jungian psychology there is the concept of the Shadow.

Anger, aggression, sexuality is a very early drives every man, they form the basis of the shadow aspects of the personality. Each of them is instinctive and not subject to the control of the Ego.

Associated with these drives and hard experience, don't accept and perceived feelings, emotions, experiences, memories are displaced in a certain area of mental called Shadow. These include: shame, fear, anger, sadness, aggressiveness, anxiety, sexual desire, unfulfilled desires, ideas have not been developed, etc.

The shadow energy is not perceived control the person's behavior, causing anxiety, at times, very strong and not portable.

in order to reduce the level of anxiety caused by the shadow energies in our mind uses special protective mechanisms of projection and projective identification. We can project their unconscious anger, shame, aggression, envy for those around us and to wonder, for example, there are so many negative, angry, argumentative people. Surprisingly, these unpleasant feelings for some time will reduce our level of anxiety.

the Best ground for the deployment of such projections - our family and close friends. Often we give them their fantasies, to realize that we can not or do not want, and under the influence defense mechanism of projective identification our loved ones begin to identify with our projections, becoming what we "see".

Under the influence of the mechanisms of projection and projective identification, we make our own life choices, including the choice of marriage partner.

most modern men and women enter into marriage under the impression of sexual passion. Promise each other to stay together for life, to be close friends. Fortunately and unfortunately, they do not stop to think that maybe in a few years they will be completely different: gentle girl turn into a jealous shrew, and the ardent young man will be henpecked, and from time to time will reset the voltage on the side.

writes Jungian analyst Adolf Guggenbuhl Craig: "Many couples preserve the integrity of their marriage only through the renunciation of what they hold dear and close. Did you happen to notice when or how interesting interlocutor, suddenly, loses its vivacity, when nearby there is his other half? Or how many spouses, which at first glance look happy, act on each other disabling impact."

Often in the customer history you have to see how the couple in order to solve the problems of their relationship, used consciously, but more often not aware for such a tool as the birth of children.

For many, the birth of a baby is a means of preserving family and holding her husband's side.

And some women only through the birth of a child, not through a relationship with a man, can have a connection with your feminine nature, and her body.

And of course, the children in such marriages grow up under the weight of the shadow aspects of the psyche parent. Already from the moment of conception, they are unfulfilled, depressed and displaced from the relationship of the parent pair.

And how children can be arranged later life, how to choose partners in marriage, that way their fate is very often determined by what you unconsciously gave them parents.

Yung in "Marriage as a psychological relationship", said that " As a rule, all life that could not live parents, due to objective circumstances, is inherited to the children, that is, they are forced to embark on the path of life that has to compensate for unfulfilled in the lives of parents."

Children often live in the Shadow of parents in their adult lives and make choices of their partners under its pressure. Parental example, maternal and paternal complex, is under the influence of something committed marriage.

Men and women marry and create families, in the hope that it will be met and satisfied their emotional needs care, kindness, acceptance, love.

But the relationship between husband and wife include not only the traditional aspects of a happy marriage, but also independence, struggle, anger, hatred, rudeness, conflict, revenge.

the Promise given to the spouses to each other at the altar to live happily, is not conducive to the realization of those feelings. We all know from childhood that fairy tales end with the wedding and the words "..and they lived happily ever after...".

When a man and a woman enter into a marriage, then this statement becomes a benchmark against which they compare their daily interaction with a spouse, a substitute for real feeling made-up expectations.

Childhood fantasies and hopes about native heat, the reliability of the walls, about people linked by love, about happiness allow you to tie the knot, excluding the other pole, which can be expressed in the absence of freedom, the unacceptable desires of another, liability.

a Traditional understanding of femininity and masculinity, adopted in our Patriarchal society also contributes to the formation of these fantasies.

the choice of a partner, about marriage, about dreams and expectations, the fate we are going to start on September 11 in a long-term therapeutic group "Shadow relations" https://vk.com/semeynayaten https://www.b17.ru/training.php?id=37701

we Start to deal with your "legacy" and try to separate it from your life. I invite you to examine your life and relationships in it!

Kuznetsova Tatiana
2018-08-21
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