I Want to talk to you about this fairly common belief, which in the beginning was impregnated myself. My therapist was keen, and the first sessions were hard enough confrontional with this my confidence. Now, years later, I realize how much this confrontation was for me a support and allowed to cultivate trust in a time when trust in all people has been lost.
There are many differences between therapeutic and consultative format. This and the presence query, and accents in the work, and the number of meetings, and position of the expert, and more. Even these differences are highly variable, depending on the direction from which the specialist. But there is, in my opinion, the fundamental difference between these processes.
business the psychologist included rather functional. He's trained to ask questions correctly, which helps on a rational level, to see the situation differently, the work comes, rather, from thinking, and the specialist uses skills and relies mostly on them.
therapy the main resource specialist, is the humanity. Its unique history, its philosophy, its sensitivity, and its values. All this is involved in live contact with the customer. Hypotheses are built not by what the client says and given three Givens: HOW is the client relationship AS the therapist is present in the relationship and how it relates to the client process and HOW the process between them.
Consultant leaves his identity behind the door of the room, the therapist brings her.
So what about love? Any guarantee of love in the conventional sense of the absurd, love can appear only in the freedom to try it or not. What, then, can guarantee a therapist? And how can it help the client with a place where love is not guaranteed (and in his life is likely to have already happened so that in the place where children usually receive love in the parental home, it most likely was not)? It will be coming somewhere regularly, to pay money, invest time, and it is not even necessarily to love?
Yes, it's true. But for me, as a customer, there were two great discoveries in the therapeutic process. First, I don't know what love is. More precisely, in what forms it manifests itself. My parents were very afraid to lose me. And since then, the emergence of other strong anxiety associated with concern for my life to me means love. All the other symptoms I ignored, not noticed. Now I still don't know what love is, although many discuss this topic. Love has many faces, but perhaps one of the most important for me now is honesty towards oneself and others.
the Second discovery occurred in the group. The finding that no one is obliged to show me a warm feeling or participation, but still somehow does it, something flipped in my world. Before this experience, my relationship with people was built quite a strange way, I chose those carefully concealed the fact that they are not satisfied with something in my behavior to them and in my manifestations. And then there were two scenarios. Either the person about this a long time silent, and then exploded, and then raining so much. As they say, in all the years that staying in the relationship was very difficult for me. Or aggression poured out "for the eyes" was a third person who knew everything about how shameless and I didn't even know existed. Does not remove the responsibility from themselves. In that period of life to speak to me about the dissatisfaction was a risk I could ever take offense or react violently.
as it turned out in the end in a relationship? Contacting only "bright" sides of them disappeared somewhere energy. All relationships become incredibly boring, broken record.
Through honesty, through the opportunity to meet with different reactions themselves back energy into the relationship, and in my life. My client path is not nice and sweet lovely, and I am aware that it will be many more deadlocks and complex feelings. Therapy is often it hurt, desperately, on the verge of portability, dozens of little deaths. It is important that on this difficult way you are not left alone. Therapist is the one who stays when everyone leaves. Remains in this context means not only the actual termination of the relationship, but rather "stays with all your senses, in all its fullness". And thus, little by little, to stay learning and the client. Stay with me when all leave him.... Perhaps this is love.