Терапия без пауз, или встреча с Левиафаном

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I recently finished a short-term (several months) course in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy). I was a client, went to his GP on the subway, each time reading in the car weekly record and sometimes faced with a quiet desire not to go, cancel, transfer.. Knowing that such a desire arose frequently from my own clients, I made myself a contract – going through the therapy from beginning to end, a certain number of sessions, not orleneva but already quite unforeseen force majeure. And this is what came of it.

I have to Say that none of my consultations will not be wasted. Along with bright, pulsating, emotional stuff any meetings, partings, I took your boredom, apathy, her "I'm fine", "I have nothing more to say to you" all. And every time, with layers of all these States were found to have automatic thoughts (S), their creative. At some point I sat down and wrote home about 30 cards with my AM irrational and extreme (dichotomous thinking) thoughts and refuting their vital facts. I took a picture recorded on the phone and re-read from time to time, both thoughts (irrational and objective, healthy and unhealthy) standing somewhere in a queue, sitting in the bus.. Gradually sharp corners in my head began to flatten, and the intensity of the feelings decrease. Somewhere in the middle of the course I was sure that we reviewed all the most important aspects of my life. But the tale has only just begun..

next, the eighth consultation, I came without inner material and how I sounded from the doorway, "empty-head". My therapist reassured me that the internal material is always there - and this is my current status - and began to ask questions. I remember some recent event, not particularly emotional, your reactions, your emotions, and then thoughts related to it.. And suddenly I felt a spasm of cry and on the surface came the thought, like a powerful deep-sea whale.. Deep conviction for pulling a all other fishes (thoughts) smaller force, occupied me in the direction in which I see something I do not. In my most severe pain. The underlying belief was painful and destructive. And it really didn't want to die.. When the therapist asked me to refute it, I wanted to get off the chair, slam the door and run away. As if someone encroached on the Holy of holies of my thinking.. But I was left to sit and write to refute the facts and observations of life. My teeth while quietly creaked.



At the tenth session, which took place weekly at the same time, we caught another Leviathan. My therapist gave him the name and suggested the antidote. I said that to go against this is like rape itself. He nodded approvingly, and said that the way it is, they say "been there, done that". In the end I started a diary to support my new scheme, an antidote, a new thinking, which am still. Although the most powerful and healing moment, I still think it is the fact of identification of "Leviathan" and its scrutiny in the company of his therapist.

After a specified number of sessions (this was my desire), I went back to sail, to live and work with their thoughts to herself. I left the door open, not goodbye forever, but didn't want to do psychotherapy crutches. My internal goal was to become more integrated and independent person, more for adults and wise. And such people don't need a stick for support, except that on the street suddenly a severe ice and the knee fails.

so far I go myself and learn to walk others, using the tools of CBT and physical therapy. Tame their leviathans, as they are apparently immortal, although and pretend he died. Such a fun cute creatures.. I decided that they must not fight but be friends. Because each of them weighing several tons. And those of the people who still are skeptical to psychotherapy, I want to say this. Psychotherapy is not only the process of getting you from a problem, it is a journey of self-discovery, a journey into the darkest recesses of himself. And it's interesting any TV shows and even travel to different countries. No one has returned from this journey without wisdom.


2018-11-25
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