How often sweet sauce of friendship and care we are fed and humiliated, generously seasoned with envy. And if we do not hurry to swallow the proposed course, immediately offer dessert gaslighting – the house, of course.
first. the Client communicates with her best friend.
I Need new jeans to buy. These were worn.
- of course, dear, with your thighs difficult it is to find a model that will last more than a couple of months.
the legs of the client, by the way, long slim, athletic figure. Girlfriend, as it turns out, «chubby fun girl”, are always ready to offer constructive advice from the field of fashion. And she like dresses? Yes, usually dressed in ordinary shops. But always tell a friend where you have the folds on the abdomen (the client has a weight of 50 kg at growth of 172) where the Breasts sagged, and how long the skirt it categorically does not go. This pseudosabina really drawn to bodyshaping. Well, the envy of the load. Myself a girlfriend, of course, all bodypositive installing “a good man should be a lot”.
background: bodyshaping – an attempt to shame a man for an imperfect body, and the inconsistency of its shapes and sizes to certain standards of beauty. With this form of discrimination can be faced by anyone, regardless of breast size, and waist size. This includes “thick” jokes from the “Where will be the waist to do’ and cute jokes like: “you have Breasts sagged? What's there to SAG your minus one :)” All of this consistently for the friendship and good intentions.
second. Two friends talking in a cafe.
- That you Santa Claus for the New year will bring?
the Courses of extreme driving.
Oh, good idea, but still there's nothing worse than women behind the wheel!
Like no insults and nothing personal. Just the man expressed his opinion. Only now, suddenly smelled misogyny. I think one of the worst kinds of misogyny – women's misogyny – the humiliation of their own kind. I'm not saying, of course, that should be female solidarity, but still, if we depreciate and devalue women, what to expect from others?
third. Personal. Accidentally met an employee of the former work.
- And from what you suddenly decided to become a psychologist?
- Well, first, I wonder, and second…
Yes, in principle, than earn more in your old age? You don't wine, with age, become better not. And the older the psychologist, the trust more. Yes, you clever mother :)
That's praised and endorsed, and in fact pure ageism.
background: ageism (from the English. Age – age) is the age discrimination. As the rule relates to hiring, but no less disgusting and in personal relationships.
And what happens if to a wonderful man and to Express out loud that you hate? Most likely the answer you will get sincere bewilderment and denial: “are You crazy? What else came up. Anything I such did not speak." Meet & ndash; gaslighting.
background: gaslighting – (from English "Gas light" movie, 1944, filmed on the eponymous detective) - depreciation of other people's feelings, refusing to acknowledge the facts and take responsibility for their actions, the prosecution of the injured party that she felt.
in Addition to the many opportunities the modern world has given us a rich palette of psychological violence. Because abuse is not only hand-wringing and a black eye. There are many types of emotional humiliation and discrimination. Most of the terms of English origin and came to us from Western culture along with the movement of feminism (real, standing up for the rights of women in society and in the workplace, not unshaven armpit, and the right to sit on someone's face).
good Old chauvinism and sexism has not changed much over the last decade. Women still earn less than men even in leadership positions, they still require a contract to give birth and not to marry. And, of course, no one has repealed the so-called “benevolent sexism” type “for a woman, you're pretty much" and less ‘benevolent ageism” type “amazing how good you think you are for a woman your age".
Harassment – (from the English. harass – to disturb, to get) the sebaceous jokes, suggestions, and hints of a sexual nature, grasping at my knees and other places without your consent. As lookism with ageism, this concept came to us from the format of the business relationships in the workplace. If the teacher offers the student a fiver for the service of an intimate nature, it's harassment and, incidentally, a violation of the law, which could cost him his career.
Lookism (from the English. Look – look, appearance) also came into everyday use, from working format. If two candidates with the same qualifications that had beautiful, it's lookism. In other words, when beauty is more important than performance, this is a violation of professional ethics.
previously, a comparison with the peach from the mouth of the seller of the market was perceived as a compliment, now it is one of the options catcalling (from the English. call cats – the type, kitty baby, come to daddy). This also applies to the habit of whistling after the passing beauty or wink attracted to the girl in the subway. And although many men and women this meaningless flirting is only a smile, you'd be surprised how unpleasant, awkward and uncomfortable in this situation, feel some girls and women.
Objectification – (from the English. Object object, thing) – attitudes towards women as the prize, part of its own image, piece of furniture or a sexual object. In fact this still holds advertising world of mass consumption goods for men.
and finally, my favorite letsemeng (from the English. slut – the whore and the shame-the shame), which has repeatedly accused me on my own page. In fact, it is a theory that is not any virgin over the age of 40, having lovers and enjoying sex should burn in hell. And if she still wrote about it and openly, then all the guard and “fu to be”.
In our high-tech world is still alive gender stereotypes – the imposition of cliches, and the division of interests and activities into male and female. Something from the ‘pink for girls”, “men don't cry”, “well, some of the women police officer”.
this may also include and mansplaining – (from the merger of two English words "man" man and “explain” to explain) – is any example of the condescending attitude toward women in an attempt to explain the obvious and basic things. The most ridiculous case in my practice where the husband taught his wife to breastfeed. Don't ask.
And when a woman makes a noise because of the violation of their rights, it is often a “fault” - provoked, not dressed, not standing there. This is an attempt to blame the victim for what happened to her is called victimblaming (from the English. victim - the victim and blame – to blame). As you know, I'm not a fan of confuse guilt and responsibility, but disagree with any manifestation of “sumawinata” in situations of violence.
What can we say in conclusion. Know your rights and properly arrange the borders. If you feel uncomfortable, don't be afraid to voice their displeasure. No need to be embarrassed or to hide embarrassment behind a nervous laugh. Let embarrassing will happen to those who fail joked or do not have sufficient tact. May be ashamed to whose words humiliated. Let pays the bills is the one who broke the law and crossed the line. Don't let to make sacrifice.
by the Way, all the above applies not only to women. I would generally advise to think before talking, and try said to himself. If you don't the taste, it is quite possible that another will not like. But it is, by the way.