For the education of young minds
the most useful thing is useless.
Georges Duhamel
Not so long ago held a master class for parent conferences. Discussed what a family is and what it has value. including touched upon the theme of education of children in the family. And here began the most interesting. During the discussion, were collected all the known attitudes about how to educate children. And they voiced a range of traditional utterances. One of my favorites: the question “what is" the answer – “the cell of society”. Then I asked my parents to translate the phrase «Russian Russian», ie to explain to the child five or six years old, that is, for example, “the cell of society" of how it looks in action. I could not answer.
In my consultations I often meet a situation when parents do not know how to raise children. In such cases education becomes spontaneous and sporadic, which leads to fuzzy rules and the inconsistency of action on the part of parents. This style, in turn, teaches children to lie and manipulate their parents. In the best case, parents come for help to a psychologist, to stabilise the situation in the worst – let it go. Unfortunately, not everyone is willing to work to change the situation, even those who come for help are not always willing to bring the work to the desired result.
For those parents who want to raise their children adaptive, i.e. successful people, share a little secret. You need to educate not SOMEONE, but something. Explain the fundamental difference. In my opinion, the main task education – to make the child independent, i.e. fully Autonomous, thinking person, able to take responsibility for their actions and their choices. But the responsibility and the ability to think, it is just those things that are difficult to explain to the child, moving them into action. But forming specific skills (actions), for example, self-care (personal hygiene, cleaning up toys, tying shoelaces, etc.), we teach a child to independence, which indirectly forms the responsible for their actions and their consequences. But modern parents, unfortunately, often invested in the development of intellectual abilities of the child and not to the formation of necessary skills.
At the time, I invented the technique “the Corridor of power”, which is based on the theory of I. P. Pavlov on the formation of conditioned reflexes. In the vernacular this is called “carrot and stick”. The technique is simple. Just is a table of the necessary skills that you want to form the right written encouragement, if complied with, to the left – the penalties, if not fulfilled. It is necessary to prescribe the inspection time of the execution of each skill.
But there are some nuances:
- the prescription of penalties, it is necessary to consider not their own horror stories, but what really scared the child (not physical violence).
- as is the case with the prescription of incentives.
- you Need to consider that punishments and rewards should be roughly equivalent.
- Money cannot be a motivator, especially if we are talking about caring in your direction, for example, clean up the dishes – is to take care of you. Such things don't pay.
- it is Important to understand that the time of control – it is your responsibility, so you'll have to watch that, especially in the initial stages.
It is a sequence, and not spontaneous, calm, not hysteria, lead you and your child to the desired result. Everything else is situation “Che I freaked out”, because there is no understanding: they want to obtain at the output of the process of education.
it is Clear that nuances in the methods much more, because there are no identical people, we are all unique. But the key idea I shared. Now the choice is yours. I can only add that the method works equally well on small children and adolescents. But teenagers are harder because they have ceased to believe in the seriousness of your intentions. From myself I will add: I admire those who are able to change something in your life and to change himself. Hope you have the same attitude to those who are able to change. Good luck to you!
