Now even in elementary school children create a family tree of his family.

In this article, we consider the question: why is a psychologist working in line with the systemic family therapy at the beginning of the problems as marital and parent-child relationships, after determining the specific stage of family life cycle (which I wrote here) offers to the client (client) to make genogram.

One of the most difficult stages of the functioning of the family is growing up of the child and attainment of adolescence (13-14 years), when he aspires to separation and independence, more and more "lasts" to peers and parents tend to avoid it, to "bind" a teenager to a family. br>
the Child is suggested a personal failure: "You can't survive without us," "Yes with such a character..".etc.

At the same time, the 40-year-old parents often comes a midlife crisis when they realize that somehow failed. "Who is to blame?"- "I can't make a career, you need to engage the difficult child." It turns out that becoming parents is beneficial to explain its failure behavior of the child. And he, in turn, receives signals from parents, reinforces his deviant (deviant) behavior.


ideally, after passing 5 stages of family life cycle, after graduation, must be of the second order - when family members are not only leaving - but rebuild their relationship, allowing the child to emotionally separate.

After all, the family system is influenced by 2 laws: development (successful completion of each stage of its life cycle) and the law of homeostasis (equilibrium or permanence). And the family can be flexible - functional or too fusion - "dysfunctional".
Every situation in the family "want but can't" is dysfunction. I want to live well, but are unable to achieve this. I want our son to become independent, successful - but can't let him go.

Let's look at how dysfunction the family can be traced to hemogramme, and thereby to predict the future marital happiness of this young man. As is known, the scheme of the genogram (which was developed by Murray Baudouin) looks like this:


Squares - men, mugs women. A line connecting them - marriage.
And then ask the client to add to the scheme description and complement...



So, according to systemic family therapy, vertical, symbiotic, strong emotional relationships (e.g. mother - son, father-daughter) is dysfunctional, and the horizontal (between spouses) is functional. And family psychologist call it a dysfunctional family, for example, when the child becomes a woman closer than the cold husband and the child becomes a buffer in the complex relationships of parents. begins to get sick often.

It records the degree of closeness of all family members allows for genogram easy to track and predict the future choice of a marriage partner.

Example:


a boy and a girl. Both in family - cold relationship with the fathers, and very close with their mothers. What is the probability of marriage? Will he be successful?

In this case, the boy takes as a norm of paternal behavior model - a distant, alienated relationship with a female beloved, but very difficult to communicate and impulsive. The girl, identifying herself with her mother - also in the future will marry a cold man - the same as her father.
And family history again... the Choice of a marriage partner is programmed in the family of origin.

However, every family has backup capabilities. And psychologists solve customer issues as they arrive, trying to make their intervention is minimal.

Because from the point of view of systemic family therapy, there are 3 signs of a functional family: the realization of life plans, smooth transitions from each stage of family life cycle and the absence of any member of the family's symptomatic behavior (e.g., when the younger son tries to sleep with parents is to prevent their night of argument).

This article I am writing for students my free video course, so I'll write a little about what gives the stability of the family system.
"Functional stabilizers" of the family - shared housing, money, entertainment and business.
"Dysfunctional" disease (when one family member hurts, the whole family rallies around the patient), children (because they evolve, change and disturb the equilibrium of the system) and deviations in the behavior of family members (e.g., infidelity). In fact, man is beneficial to change - not divorce his wife. Not to translate the mistress to the status of the wife - "it's so exhausting." And "marriage is not to tear down, the wife is Holy." Here cheating is a way of temporary getting rid of the accumulated in the family of problems (and they remain outstanding) or that very often a pathological fear of intimacy (one, two, three - and no one no close emotional relationships).

that's all I wanted to say. Up to new meetings! You were Elena Olkhovich