The aggressor or abuser, why is it so important?


Take a simple example.

You are in the woods. You are attacked by a wolf. What does he want? You to eat.

You walk down a dark alley, you are attacked by a robber what he wants? Your wallet, watch, cell phone.

You come on a site where there is a dog, she attacks you. Why? She's protecting her territory.

This is the first form of aggression with a clear. The battle for resources. Their protection and the desire to grab another. It is clear that the events of our lives today is not so simple and obvious, but the essence remains the same. You want to take money, time, access to opportunities in their favor. Not so obvious, but no less rare is found the battle for a place in the hierarchy, which again gives access to resources and development.

Thousands of years people struggle for "a place under the sun." Men come to battle one-on-one, picking up a sword and shield, or dueling pistol. Or in groups, taking spears, rifles, machine guns. Cut each other's throats in the streets, fighting over the division of territory between gangs. But the ladies are not far behind them, attracting the right gentlemen with the help of his fans, and Spanish flies, or bright cosmetics and silicone is inserted in the right places. Destroying rivals "nice" apt phrases, and in time started a rumor. From a direct blow with a cudgel in his forehead, to the sophisticated macgyverism, poison, intrigue, the struggle for "lofty ideals", everything is in motion in this eternal struggle resources and living space.

And so, with this kind of aggression all clear. Having met him, you have a myriad of options. The main thing is to understand what is the subject of the struggle. You can battle. Can't fight if the game is not worth the candle. Unable to retreat in time, accumulating resources, or try to wait until the enemy weakens. Unable to transfer the conflict to a more suitable field. For example, weakening the enemy, both in material and moral terms. You can find your allies. Might try to find a compromise. In General, all the same proven methods thousands of years.

But there is a second form of aggression. When it comes to the struggle for resources, which out man, and for the resources inside him. About when people are struggling with their internal problems. His fear, his uncertainty, other monsters, and he tries to do it at your expense.

people could offend the child's parents, or just give him as much love as needed. Person could offend young persons of the opposite sex. Maybe his dreams crashed about real life. Many "could be". But his inner wound, a hole in his chest, he tries to heal at the expense of others. Sometimes, even, it seems that he needs help in understanding, pity and desire to help. It seems that give him a little love and warmth, and he'll warm up and be nice and fluffy. But no. People like "snake on chest" warmed up, definitely starting to bite his benefactor.

This aggression can also be different. The husband may beat his wife in search of his lost "manhood". The boss to find fault with a subordinate, constantly trampling in search of his confidence. Women can take revenge over the masculine, charming his representatives and then throwing them. "Friend" may permanently under the guise of "the truth of the uterus" to instill uncertainty and doubt. And even toxic to the mother, often taking revenge on their children for the "sins of the fathers." And all of this often takes place under the slogan "I want your good".

what is the difference and why it is important to be aware of? In the first case, your opponent can agree, any other way to reach a compromise. You can show him your strength and determination. You can retreat, you can find other options. In the second case, no options. It is impossible to agree. Either leave or "fight to the death".

You met a normal wolf in the forest. You can get a gun, light a torch, to show the willingness to fight. The wolf can understand what your meat it will be too expensive and retreat. You can throw him meat from a backpack, and it will be an additional factor in the peaceful resolution of the conflict. Or you met a rabid wolf in the woods. You can even samahita torch or zabudetsya meat. His illness, inner pain and suffering would be to chase him, forgetting about the fear, until one of you dies. So either to flee or to fight.

You met in the alley robber. He took out a knife, you got an axe, who had just purchased. And expressed verbal and non-verbal willingness to fight to the end for your wallet. There is a possibility to end this peacefully.

You met in the alley maniac, which is driving to kill the thirst for blood. You got the axe, and he though henna. The mind has shut down, letting the madness. The same goes for religious or a fanatic. The person who put the kind of overvalued idea above logic and reason. Scare it is impossible, to negotiate.

in General, such attempts to negotiate, to appeal to the mind of one who lives not by mind useless. Yesterday the husband who was beating his wife while in a drunken fog, today crawls to her on his knees, begging forgiveness, promising everything and giving a luxurious bouquet of flowers. Vowing never, never! Agreed? Until the next binge, when all will repeat again.

the Woman who left who loved her man, breaking his heart, and wiping his feet on, call again, and a sweet voice invites you on a date. Guy, get ready for the second round! Exactly the same men, trampling loving their women again and again.

Beloved mother that ridicule the child's childhood, told him he's stupid and will achieve nothing, suddenly calling asking for help, saying how great he is and favorite. If he survives, then she'll call again and tell me how she's sick. Prepare a loving child, you are again dipped into a VAT of sewage as soon as you relax and rejoice.

And agree then it is useless. The employee can bring the boss millions in profit, it will take some time, and as before. Battered woman can cook soup, fry patties and cook pies. The last effort to wash, iron and clean. To go to the doctors and the grandmother to buy "miracle powders". And it will beat again. A man will bestow returned love flowers and diamonds, get over yourself and raise her kids from other men. And she'd leave again. The child will build his mother a house, and she would again insult him.

How to distinguish one from the other? Simple enough. Imagine a man and what he wants his aggression? It may take some time, and you suddenly understand. "Yes, he wants to press me on the career ladder" or "Yes he wants me to do is to blame that I helped him, providing time force, that is, wants to take away my resources." And then the first option.

But if, even after reflection, you do not have a real explanation for the behavior of the "enemy", it remains one. Unreasonableness, irrationality, impermanence. Constant change some strategies of behavior on the other clearly show you that the aggression this person is just his fear, anger, frustration and fight with them at your expense. And then, as I said.

Either run or "fight to the death". Like a rabid dog. Like a maniac. As a fanatic. Conversation, persuasion, compromise here is absolutely impossible.

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