Loyalty is a great art of self-denial.
to Learn it yourself is impossible. It is passed from generation to generation from parents to children. It is a chain of succession and the system of existence, it is not easy to come off and not easy to get out of it. Loyalty is actually a form of codependency, but only very skillful and full of legends. And the problem here is not so much that other person becomes the whole world and without this other very existence becomes questionable.
the Problem is that the man does not perceive the integrity of the system. Yes, we always need another. Absolute self - sufficiency is in a sense a myth. At least because even if we imagine self-sufficiency as possible, it still needs to grow. We are born dependent on the other. If the other is not, we will perish. And I think that the idea of childhood omnipotence is a kind of vaccination against the total destruction of addiction. If understood from the start that we depend on another, we find it impossible to raise independent people. But loyalty is something special. In fact, the devoted person upon closer inspection is completely independent, he knows himself to cope with thousands of questions, it can be smart and reasonable, well educated and well brought up. But it does not belong to himself. He originally belongs to others. It is not amorphous, it does have its I, its principles and ideas. But he serves. Serves others. All his consciousness, all thoughts and decisions belong to another. With others he relates his being and his entire life. He can not imagine himself without the other. Have made it so. For fun he thinks through complicated combinations, but take him to another and he's confused. He will not be able to take a little bit suitable solution for yourself. And he is always in need of the other, is afraid of losing him, angry. Guilt is the native feeling. The blame for all unfulfilled, he always takes over. This is his destiny.
the Story of the devotee is the story of the easy child. He can feel the emotions that parents like. His aggression can be directed only at yourself, but not by the parent. His conduct clearly meets the rules of his parents. He schooled no worse than the Japanese samurai. His empathy reaches the level of psychic, or he just can't understand what his parents really are. Just by the tone of the parent it picks up where today the wind is blowing. It is convenient always and for all. In emotions, behavior, relationships. He does not know the word no. That is knows of course, but only in the address, the address of another - no, no. It is a taboo. He is a SLAVE. Slavery involves the insertion of a resource into another. Ie in fact, the slave is only a small fraction to ensure only the immediate needs, all the rest, the entire resource might have to go for the existence of the other. Devotion, despite his alleged attraction is a total depletion of the resource of one man in the name of the existence of the other.
Freedom implies that you can be alone, and sometimes choose loneliness if the relationship does not suit you. Freedom implies NO for the other. The ancients interpret the word FREEDOM as a GOD, so you can take your God and not other Gods (other people's policies and regulations that impede your pursuit of happiness). Freedom does not imply slavery. It does not involve loyalty to another, it involves the interaction and mutual understanding and enrichment, and not the total resource generation. Slavery is not economically profitable, because one destroys and prevents the development of another, because life in a foreign resource and the dope is converted into the same codependency,but with a different tint. And it's a vicious circle.
Oksana bershadskaya
Psychologist, psychoanalyst
