The beginning of the end. Fall into codependency


Initially, my super-competence — treatment of codependent people, that is those who live with drug addicts and alcoholics. I many years was engaged in doing to this day. This is a very difficult area. Today I would like to talk about how there is a drop in codependency. br>
an Alcoholic his behavior can do so that over time, his relatives begin to feel responsible for what happens to him. How does this happen? Every morning he gets out of bed, he's very ill, hungover. He was ashamed and scared for what was yesterday, because it almost does not remember anything. With him always hand in hand with the feeling that he can change his life. And then the wife reminds him about what happened yesterday. What happens next? To get rid of difficult feelings, to reach out emotionally to "zero", he snaps, yells at his wife, accusing her. At this point, the relatives do not realize that they have nothing to do with it, that he is freed from the emotion with which it is so hard to live. The aggressive condition of the alcoholic cries become commonplace for this family. br>
the far circle gradually moves away from the alcoholic. Colleagues, friends, eventually all disappear from his life. To tolerate aggression in your address to see how hopelessly falls man few people willing. But the inner circle, the family remains close. Day by day they listen to curses, scandals. And at some point mom, wife admit this thought: "Maybe I'm guilty of something? Maybe I'm the reason he drinks and behaves?". All this is the beginning of the end, the beginning of co-dependency. br>
it works psyche to protect himself from all this horror, in order not to go crazy with such attitude. Because it is a loved one, beloved, you are together a lot, and then he changes completely. It's inexplicable it seems. The easiest way to start thinking: "maybe somewhere I missed that", "I'm a bad wife", "I'm a bad mother", "not educated", "lot of time" "left him alone". It's called the "status quo" of the psyche, man is trying to protect your ego, your wounded self-esteem. br>
to Understand without professional help in a situation of alcoholism and drug addiction is very difficult. Few people have any idea that it is a disease, deadly and incurable. The topic is taboo in our country, and once again it did not pick up. br>
When I get these customers, they first very difficult to understand that the situation has two sides. It is not only in it, but it is first and foremost. He's sick, he should be treated. And she, and he had to deal with them. If he doesn't want to be treated, will have to leave him alone with the problem to go away. Otherwise the consequences will be huge, the whole family gradually "sick" with him. br>
For many, it is a very difficult question, which they associated with the moral aspect. "How can I leave, because he is my own man?" - asks the woman. In psychology this behavior is called aiding and abetting. It drives the disease deeper, gives her development. Alcoholics, drug addicts — is very seriously confused people, and so it turns out that without real consequences, a chance to get out they have almost none. br>
How is aiding, give a simple example. A young guy is caught with drugs, arrested him. What parents do in the first place? Trying to pay off. In other words, they take responsibility for themselves. Bought, he was not in jail, the whole family is exhaling with relief. In fact, the disease of the addict from a similar resolution of the situation will only get worse. He felt nothing, no real consequences and threats. Moreover, he does not associate this incident with the use. That is, a logical chain of drugs led to the arrest — eliminated for him.
"If I leave him, he will die, I will feel guilty the rest of your life" - this oppressive idea is unusual and difficult for atavistic. What can I say as a practitioner in this field. Yes, he can not cope and die. But it will save your life, the lives of their children and lives of their families. By and large, the alcoholic or addict is a person who has the choice to be treated or not, to live or die. But as long as his family is complicit in the disease, he is sick and they get sick. All live its feelings, actions, problems. Everyone, including children. He pulled into the circle of those who surround him, such a law. If he refuses to be treated, and the family remains with him, they can't live on the basis of its consumption. br>
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Malinin Alexander
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