the

I am the extension of their parents.

Sometimes mom buys her daughter a very beautiful (in her opinion) a jacket, which is then daughter either wears or tears silently wears to school, then to the toilet shame to change and inquiring look mom, so as not to offend anyone, enthusiastically and gratefully accepts the "gift".

This example illustrates the different variations of a very important family topic. What is in question here?

Mom really wanted a nice jacket/bag/coat/toy, etc., but the family was not rich to afford new clothes could not afford very often, and my mom had to wear things for the older sisters. But secretly she dreamed that someday will be able to afford any clothes. And here it is already the girl's mother, and certainly wish her a better childhood than she had, and trying to keep the daughter had all that SHE wanted.

She buys her daughter a gift, but really the daughter is not present in the act of choosing, buying and giving a gift because the daughter speaks to her mother only extension – part of the own self is projected On the daughter of your early experience in which a woman promised myself that she would have whatever she wished. And that shirt she wears at her daughter as another statement of his.

This often happens when parents don't see the personality of your child in the care of the child "as the best" of them, passing his identity, trying to "adjust" it to fit your view, and projection. Perhaps You could observe in your family or family acquaintances, when children become the successors of the family profession or get the job, which both wanted to parent, but for some reason couldn't do it, kids go to their choice school, finish it without much enthusiasm, go to the oppressive work, fulfilling the ambitions of parents. Children "play" the role invested in the child's own projections of the parents.

This extension can also manifest in more subtle form on the level of the psyche:

How, for example, may be formed of the paranoid personality: I place in your child's those traits that I hate in myself, and for them to reproach him. This child is bad. But we are in a very strong connection, I can't deny it completely, otherwise I have nowhere to put their personality traits, which I deny, so baby I need.

But the child as an individual parent does not see the personality in this family he is not present. So develop a disorder which is inexplicable for an adult affect his behavior, passing a cross-cutting theme through all his life.

Dorokhova Marina
2018-01-06
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