Often with the request to come to counseling parents of adolescents (12-16 years). At this age children start to study is worse, trying to assert their independence and to get out from under parental control.
Parents usually try to control it, to persuade, to criticize, to blackmail. But as a teenager most of these methods don't work anymore. Therefore, parents need to change their behaviour and to rebuild relations with the grown-up child.
the first step is to find out whether the teenager wants nothing. If he has no interests, he never leaves the house, lying all day in bed, not watching their own health, in this case it is necessary to sound the alarm. These are signs of clinical depression. And this requires urgent treatment to a psychiatrist, neurologist, endocrinologist, etc.
If the teenager doesn't want to go to school and to learn the lessons, and spent whole days in the company of friends or likes something that is not related to parental interests, and sometimes frowned upon by adults, it means that the child has wants and needs to fulfill themselves in this world. But if there is interest, this can always work to find the right motivators to learning.
For a reluctance to go to school and do homework, there are specific reasons. It can be:
- the lack of Success of the child. It is impossible to achieve, an excellent student, I'm not, so I won't try, the teachers and parents scold in any case, it is easier to do nothing. We need to work with the child's self-esteem and in no case do not scold for mistakes.
- Bullying in school, conflict with peers. A fairly common situation that must be urgently addressed. The child being bullied, laugh at him when he meets the Board or (fear causes him to be silent and go to school as rarely as possible). In this case often helps the transfer of the child to another class or school. Proceedings, as a rule, do not give results, and only aggravate the situation.
- Love is unrequited or mutual. Hormones in adolescence dramatically changes the mood jumps up and down, learning is relegated to 10th place. Calmly convey to their offspring that education is a great start for the future and love in this case is not a hindrance.
- Laziness. Lenny's always has their reasons: lack of energy, a banal lack of sleep, physiological changes in the body, etc Review the daily routine and diet of a teenager, the volume of additional classes and, if possible, eliminate stressful situations.
What should parents do? First of all, to understand the reasons. Trusts if you are a teenager? If labour, work on the establishment of a trusting and friendly atmosphere within the family. The child, first and foremost, needs to feel the family is protected.
Listen to the child and support. Find out the reasons for the reluctance to attend school. Express your concerns and feelings on the matter. Only without criticizing or accusing, but quietly and kindly.
we Discuss possible solutions to the problem. Grant to start your son or daughter how he sees his future, what can be done. Write down all the possible options. Choose one that suits you both. In this case, the teenager will receive:
- Acceptance and support he needs, but never acknowledged.
- will Feel part of the responsibility for the decision.
- Get a solution, which will not arouse his resistance, because he agreed with him.
don't scold for bad grades and truancy, and to understand the causes and stream the teen their adoption. Do not program it to failure, for example, "You'll never pass the exam", etc. He can't believe it and feel the chronic loser. Maintain and believe in your child. It is important that he was healthy and happy.
At the same time setting boundaries has not been canceled. Each family has its own responsibilities and each is responsible for their actions. It is important to observe the balance of love and seriousness: do not put a child on his head, not to criticize, and calmly his position and stand his ground. At the same time realizing what is behind a particular behavior of your offspring. Teach him to take responsibility for their actions and to make decisions. This is the way to conscious adulthood and preparation for later life.
If you have any questions or difficulties in building relations with a teenager, you can contact me for advice. Take part and б17.