the Child of the donor: how to talk about it?
Now the children are born in different ways. Some of the most familiar to us way, and they have two really biological and rearing parents, mom and dad. Some children are born through IVF, someone needed donor material, and someone carried through surrogacy.
it Turns out that the family can grow a child, he has a mother and father, but he has another biological parent. Or another "helper mom" - the one who carried him.
How can we talk about these important people to a child? Others? We know that if something is not words, it is the severity of an event not commensurate with what is possible with someone to talk to...
In these cases, parents in Russia often find themselves in an information vacuum and do not know how to talk about it with children. Meanwhile, if the family is a mystery and silence, that is, and stress and anxiety. We are up to 70% of the information perceived is non-verbal, because if parents are silent about something important, and distort information, children can feel it and cope without help.
Kids react to mechanie different symptoms, which are sometimes only an experienced psychologist can see the connection with the root cause. However, both children and parents want them to be understood and supported in the complex.
that is why I wrote this text as an example of what and what words should tell the child who was born through IVF and donor cells.
the Text in the form in which it is lower is suitable for baby about 2 - 3 years.
"Your mom and dad really wanted you to be born. They dreamed about you, but to be born a child, it is the seed dad and mom's cell. And your dad couldn't give his seed. It so happened that he didn't because he was sick. It happens, and it may be sad, but your parents found a way out.
They were helped by other people – the doctors and the man who agreed to give his seed. This man wanted you was born, he was willing to give you the opportunity to live and something to be like him.
We, your parents chose him because he seemed a good man. He has an open face, blue eyes, brown hair. But we know about him only that, and the fact that he was healthy is checked out by the doctors. According to our agreement, we don't know where he lives, have his photo and will never see you again. These are the rules in these cases. But we will always be grateful to him for you.
You were born is exactly what we waited for – the best.
in normal cases, the child comes from the love between a man and a woman when they love each other that want to be close, hugging, kissing and penis men (his sexual organ, "member", "Fife", "tube" or "Wiener") penetrates into the vagina of a women (this is the "hole" between her legs)... It's called sex, and when adults people love each other, it's nice.
Children are arranged as well – you have a penis and girls have a vagina, but the kids can't have sex and bear children, they'll have to grow up. And in our case the seed of this men doctors have helped to connect with mom's cell, and turned the embryo – a tiny new cell, which the doctors put my mom in the belly, in a special bag, where can grow the baby. And you began to grow there, you were this and then like that, you became closely, it is time you were born.
You came out of the holes at the bottom of the mother's uterus – so usually the children are born (or, if a caesarean – the doctor helped you out, because mom had little power and the aid was important – they made an incision on the bag and got you. It didn't hurt, the doctors took care of it, and all went well).
your father and I were so happy that you were born and we'll see you in, wear on the handles! You were a wonderful baby and now we you still love. You can always ask us if you want to know something about its history."
Arina intercession, psychologist, child analyst, July 2018