One of the most common topics of concern to the substitute parents, is the children's fears and ways of dealing with it. Why not just afraid of our children! Flatly refuse to attend any children's events, and some guests simply do not "drag"; sleep only with a parent, and certainly holding his hand; in the car, never sit down, and if they sit, then on arrival did not come out; loud noises, large animals, etc., etc.
meanwhile, the presence of fear is an indicator of the normal development of the child. Fears to the right person in order to signal the occurrence of a threatening situation.
In infancy such dangerous situations will be late meeting the physical needs and, of course, the prolonged absence of the mother. For a child who is a "conscientious objector" from birth it will be, unfortunately, first experience – the loss of the mother and the continuous appearance of new individuals, and permanently changing one another.
the Emergence of new faces can cause anxiety up to panic fear if the child was removed from her family, the specialists of the protection of childhood. In other words, the emergence of new aunt on the doorstep, the child may be regarded as the threat of another separation from his family.
of Course, the child, once deprived of the family will feel fear to lose his parents again. An important role is played by the details of the situation of parting parents left him on the street to sit on the bench, in the subway, the hospital, or, for example, he was taken away by social workers from the house immediately after the dream. All these circumstances imprinted in the memory of the child as accompanying a traumatic event and is firmly interconnected in the psyche.
Accordingly, in the event of similar conditions and circumstances the child has a fear of recurrence of the situation. If the last picture seen a baby before to be left alone – it was mom, facing the door, every time he will see the substitute parent leaving the room and closing the door behind you, will be kept up to date with the status of the alarm at least, as a maximum – the horror again of being alone forever.
And then we can't lose sight of a parent for a minute – he may never come back, you can't go in the garden – and suddenly I was more never take, not even to go for a walk with the caregiver suddenly my mother finds me on the street. If the child is often moved from one institution, it may be fear of any rides or even just before boarding the vehicle.
What to do, because the child's fears become a nightmare and in the real test for a parent in particular?
it is Mandatory to say the resulting fear of the child because the child is not yet able to understand what is happening with him and only adult can help him to recognize emotion. To cope with the arisen concern, it is important to explain to the child what is the reality at the moment. Speech should include three components – the experience of the last, realities, real stabilization future.
"now You seem afraid (I'm afraid you scared) - emotion
because when you're alone - the past
now you and I – present
and I'm not leaving you (be with you) and I'll take care of you (to protect you) as much as you will need in the future.
This speech you can say directly when you experience fear, and oseltamivir daily before bedtime, if you have a sleep disorder. Some children are afraid to sleep, because while they slept, their parents left, or was moved. Then falling asleep is fraught with a new move or just another loss of parents.
If You need to take actions that Your assumptions can intensify the fear of the child, you can prepare him for these events in advance with the game. For example, if You have to travel by flight to another city, then the game should display the entire process using the respective attributes of the toy (two cabins – the point of departure and destination, cars and aircraft).
the same applies to any other events – the visit in the garden, your own leaving for the trip. Thus, it is important each time to record his return with the words "see, I'm back (back), as promised (I promised)!", because children have the information fixed in the mind only after frequent repetition.
Daily play situations with your child during the week will significantly reduce, but may even save the child from fear of what is happening, and parents - from tantrums in the airport or before boarding the vehicle.
the key to success is gradual approximation to the object of fear. We are talking about temporal and spatial boundaries. By evening, you can first watch from afar and long, but you can still watch him on TV, and the clown can you buy a toy and the first to interact with a small figure, not just with a big, bright and loud unpredictable "monster".
Sometimes we can be difficult to break away from patterns, especially from the words that we do in childhood often heard from parents and so often the first thing spoken is the traditional "fear not", "okay", "calm down, calm down." But then, instead of clarify the situation, we only confuse the child, denying the difficulties it is a feeling that only increases his anxiety and loneliness. But the situation appears to be safer than it is for us more clearly. And if there is a favorable forecast for the future, so you can safely and breathe a sigh of relief.