The feeling that gnaws efficiently

in recent times In working with clients often discuss the question of guilt. What to do with it? After all, as one of my colleague – "guilt is a feeling which is eating quality." Even in one of the stories of the classics from guilt died the main character.

Let's see first what that feeling was. Something happened and the man says: "I am guilty". And it may be thought (understanding his guilt), and feeling. Understanding of guilt and guilt are two different things. The understanding of guilt as a kind of objective fact closer men, the experience of guilt (guilt). Men prefer to redeem himself, to do something, women need to be in this sense, survive him. Though not the fact, can be quite the opposite, it all depends on the personality.

So what to do, wine is responsible for "deed" as something you need. Not the best way - to forget (to drink), close your eyes to what has already happened. It's like the ostrich with his head in the sand, just not to see ugly. It really scared of what I'd done, mischief. You can of course make excuses, to say "don't know what they were doing" is stupid and does not work, because responsibility in this position zero and emotional tension to You accumulates, accumulates and then explodes at the wrong time. Another option is to survive until then, until the end whether the energy of blame, whether the ability to feel pain from self-incrimination - the most stupid thing you can do. Like whipping oneself, self-punishment. And, again, action to remedy the situation. Note that all three methods differ in that there is no liability for the incident and no action to change the situation.

the Truth is the other extreme – a man catches the action, smoothes his ... mistake. Perhaps this is an option, but not the best, because in such situations you begin to act based on their picture of the world without asking other about what is important to him. Discussion and Frank conversation with your partner is very important to understand what actually was a mistake, what "damage" was done, that can be corrected, and in the end just to talk, to defuse the emotional tension that arises in these cases. By the way, this "speak out" and afraid of most people because emotions can be very varied, from yelling to physical actions. It is important to understand that the cry really is a cry for help, the desire to be closer. But if the start of the physical actions, it is better to take care of its preservation of its borders.

unfortunately, it happens that you have it all figured out, completely out, all the mistakes you've made, the blame and make amends that can be corrected, but osadochek remained. And not a little sediment, and a whole range of feelings: guilt continues to gnaw you. This is not often, but sometimes. What to do?

it is Always useful to discuss with people you trust, what is troubling you. Most likely, they will remind you: if your wine is already in the past to improve today, nothing is impossible, the best you can do is to live on and to care that you were useful to people. Guilt you don't need. While you said it yourself, it's not always sounded convincing enough. When you say reasonable people, it works.

Although the guilt may be from the internal benefits. Ask yourself the question: "Why do I need it? Why, for what purpose and what kind of internal benefits I continue to chew on?"

Often, we hold on to any emotions or feelings just to get away from something else, more painful. So the woman remains in the sense of guilt towards her husband after infidelity to make up for it, Virovitica instead of directly telling the husband that in this situation the responsibility lies on both and need something to change in family relations to continue.

In any case, if the guilt you have is not going away, most likely you do, its why someone keep. Maybe it's you from something (your way) save? Maybe everything is easier, and you're just afraid that you would think badly of those who will see you as a calm (tranquil)? "Do not worry, they quickly calmed down - so callous callous man!" - so many tend to think, and to face this unpleasant. Anyway, it's the only question you: "Why do you ship yourself with guilt?"

Well, the last point that I would like to draw attention to is the guilt as a lever to manipulate, managing partner. Remember yourself in high school, how you felt when you really were to blame for the situation. I wanted a quick fix, to make amends, to clean up mistakes. A strict teacher every time he reminded: "And remember, Ivanov, fifth class, in the diary wrote this!!!". And lost all desire to defend themselves, to talk about what makes you uncomfortable. Teacher well – behaved student in the class, and you hard, to defend their rights difficult.

Let us remember that you are grown up, finished school and a strict teacher in the past. And you, no one has the right to control, manipulate only for their own, selfish purposes. If your offense "the sentence imposed" and "damage" you have already repaid, then everything else, including the desire to recall about your past mistakes, let it remains on conscience of the partner. And you are a free man and have the right to choose how to live and what to do.

you Freedom in expressing yourself and understanding in relationships with partners.

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