The individual style of a close relationship

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Why would a grown man know your palette of styles close relationship?

He can use them then your choice. Can slow down the negative options.

And, most importantly, can create a new style of close relations, if there is nothing active in the Luggage of his experience.

If you have something "wrong" in relationships with people who do not have enough life energy for action, note the ways available to you to build a "channels of communication" with the family.

Initially, when the baby only learns to love and learns, a great influence on the style of his affection have the people that became his family.

There are several options of attachment:


When a man believes in himself and in the close, trusting, and thus can be separate and able to survive the separation. If you imagine the distance between the Bob and Mary as a cut, with this type of attachment they both can freely approach and withdraw at will.


Bob "is" with a neutral expression, like a statue, and dreams about a relationship. He is going through a painful separation Masha or her ignore, while it does not shows that he wants and feels.

suffering in Silence.

If it comes, then Bob begins to run.

— ambivalent

Bob did you miss Masha, he is glad to see her, it is "hungry" for love and attention and he begins to criticize, agressirovat, strongly "biting" Mary.

At some point, she or shows aggression to him, and then he calms down a bit, as if having received confirmation that it was noticed and appreciated.

Or, in most cases, Masha leaves. Bob suffers agressiruet even more.


Bob happily takes steps towards. As soon as Masha shows your interest in him, he makes a "sudden jump."

Maybe his interest Glasha, maybe someone else.

Masha from such abrupt changes of course or becomes dependent on, or, more often, distanciruemsa and goes out of the relationship.

That is very sad Tom, who believes that he was rejected and don't like.

If Mary was working hard and begins to "catch up" to Bob, he feels disgust and otherwise fighting off the relationship, which initially wanted.

When two people come together, each of them has its own set of strategies, your filters of perception and habitual styles of relationships.

in part they are in the process of change under contact influence each other.

note that the style of a close relationship is shown not only with people.

Common example is money (welfare). Your style with the family most likely is repeated and money.

Another aspect of a style of a close relationship is a balance to take is to give.

it's very simple to arrange – if the distortion in any direction, the relationship is interrupted.

If you are "overfed" Bob, it will alienate (and well even if you do not give the food back through the fight, the negativity in your address, etc.).

If you "perepotrebili" Wasini resources, he begins to actively require and wait for proper compensation in your address and manifesting it according to their underlying type attachment.

As variant – for avoidant type of attachment can silently wait and suffer, accumulating despair and hatred, rage and resentment in your direction, until leaving in silence or passive-aggressive something will mess up (responding) or doesn't blow, having made you all sore.

If Mary tend to overfeed, it "perecherkivaet" their loved ones (and yourself too), not only food but also information, emotions.

the Analysis of style of a close relationship – an interesting and fascinating thing. It gives a lot of practical benefits in addition to pleasure from the process.

And the third aspect of the style of close relations is a deeper connection. If the types of attachment we had useful information from Bowlby and Brisa, then use the wisdom of Budgets.

There are different depths of contact:

— a formal (surface level due to social norms)

— contact (emotional signals "Yes", "I'm glad you're here", "everything is OK")

— standard (in the case of communication, interaction, information sharing)

— key (or critical – level sensual involvement in really important events)

— intimate (peak moments, when there is contact level beingness, the level of prednisdone, the potentiation of the senses)

personal unconscious

— the collective unconscious

someone Who likes "deep" dive with loved ones, and others prefer to "dabble" in social security, the formal level of contact, occasionally shnyreva to standard (exchange of information – type what are we going to cook for dinner, when to change winter tires the car for the summer).

And again, your relationship with work, loved ones, your finances – at what depth? In what balance? And what type of attachment?

after Analyzing, you will be able to see clearly why you now have what is, and what are some ways that you can change something just barely read the article.

And, of course, it is possible to take the help of a psychologist to deal with their individual style of a close relationship.

Paul Alexander
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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