The nature of human misunderstanding: how can a psychologist help build relationships..

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"Intimacy in relationship is impossible without a Mature identity". E. Erickson

Man is a social being and, as we all somehow have to interact in society, there are many problems in the field of communication: conflict, misunderstanding, resentment, disputes, violence etc.
How to be and what to do to fellowship brought joy, not suffering?
I will consider this question from the point of view of a practical psychologist — a specialist that almost always come with a request to change the other, because the customer is suffering...
Let's start with the fact that if psychologist you came, he can only work with you, not with others.
you are concerned about such relationships, which have no understanding. The other does not pay attention to your problem, its all happy.
Because it does not suit you, then you need to work over your dissatisfaction.
Very often the basis of conflict between people is inadequate (undervalued or overvalued) self-esteem. And then the conflict is a kind of competition between two opponents, where everyone wants verbal to "crush" the other and win. Most people do not realize it.
But is it possible in this case to even speculate on the depths of communication, intimacy, trust? Of course not. Because where there is struggle and competition, there is no equality and the Commonwealth.
And it was them — intimacy, equality, trust and openness are looking for in a relationship. Such a deep and trusting relationship is only possible in the position of "You — me" or "I — Thou", i.e., when we are equal, in which the penetration of one to the other and a mutual exchange creates lace dance communication...
So, to a "meeting" with others was held to be vulnerable, to not be afraid to show your weaknesses. This requires courage, risk and acceptance.
We start working with the client step by step dismantling of his "patients" place: what was troubling him, prompting to respond to exactly what was behind it, what he feels and thinks when the other turns to him...
Awareness is half the battle. When the client begins to see himself as if from outside, he has a choice — to continue the dialogue on the old template, or to change their behavior.
And here he enters into relations with itself: only he will make the choice to take or not to take on liability and start to change what does not suit him at the moment.
the Fact that it is recognized and understood in the office of a psychologist, should be embodied in real life by the client, because he is the Creator of his own happiness.
When the step-by-step, exploring itself through questions of the psychologist, the client begins to better understand the motives of his behavior and lying behind it needs, when dealing with other also occurs more understanding.
Together with the understanding comes the acceptance that is so necessary for the vulnerability to be in a deep relationship.
It is for this very depth and proximity to miss so much people...
it is Impossible to understand others unless you understand yourself. It is impossible to treat others with respect, if has self-respect. And you cannot trust another if you do not trust yourself. We are United and inseparable; everyone who comes into your life for a mirror, reflecting yourself...