the

I Want to talk a little bit about the triangle of Karpman. This is so familiar to all of us the model of interaction between people where someone plays the victim role, one as plays the role of a Stalker, well, there is always the Savior, ready to help, even when he didn't ask for this.


  

we All, from time to time slipping into one of these roles. And someone is still in childhood, found the profits to stay in one of them and then almost not selected from this role throughout their life. And right now if you try to look at life as if from outside, then you will be clear about what behavior is most close to you.
 



What would you there himself did not understand, I have bad news for you — any of these roles are dysfunctional and seriously spoils your life. Below will tell you how.
But first I want to draw your attention to the fact that when in a relationship, people fall into these roles, the problem is not solved. And here's why:

Distribution of responsibility and activity, these roles are totally different. Rescuers, as a rule, energy abundance, and the responsibility he undertakes (for itself and for that guy), the aggressor's energy is also more than enough, you need all the blame, to make, to subordinate to your opinion, but the responsibility in this case zero — all owe him something all the others do everything wrong, but the victim — the very passivity: all insult me, don't, poor little me. The problem is in the center of the triangle. And while one revels in pride that only he can fix and save everyone, the second spends all forces on other charges and the requirement to act according to his orders, and the third dies from self-pity and the injustice of the world, it (the problem) does not move from a dead point. The decision — a balanced distribution of responsibility between all participants and the desire to solve the problem and not to play a role.

theVictim
 




Looking ahead, I want to say that, in fact, all three roles represent the position of the victim. Just a Stalker trying to disguise their vulnerability opposite behavior of — confidence, power, desire. And the harder and more aggressive a person is, the more it is a small child, each of which may offend and who does not understand anything and never able to answer. The rescuer, as time is torn for all to answer, but because, by focusing on solving other people's problems, he may not think about your.

But what is a classic Victim? there are two options. First — it is a collective image of the Soviet woman, with all its classic “Oh no, after my divorce, I began to build my personal life, I decided to live for my son!”, “I gave you the best years of your life, and you…”, “Yes, I have all my life put!» (last two sentences by the way already betrays the Stalker feel?).

Okay, with demonstrative a victim is understandable, but the second kind? Oh, this dear-hearted man. Kind, soft, sympathetic, respectable. All suffering nothing for himself, everything for others. It sometimes seems willing piece of flesh to give to others, if only kids were fed, if only people were good. Well, it would seem, what's wrong? A good man, why sacrifice that? And the fact that people such behavior provokes us to stand either in the position of pursuer, and to live with a constant guilt that we offend a Holy man or in the position of lifeguard. After all, the victim's vulnerable. She had a weak heart, she can not cope, she can't do anything, and in doing so cries, looks so unhappy.

Why should the victim be a victim? Well, in the first place, because martyrdom has long been appreciated and is considered to be a cool and noble. Plus you can not take responsibility. No liability — no errors. The need to save her and to appreciate talking about it, how about a fragile jewel — porcelain vase, not otherwise. Finally, there is the masterly work undercover. The victim — it is the manipulators, which are almost impossible to expose. “of Course, you can go to University in the States. I'll just die of grief, but whatever. Whatever's good for you”. Well, that is not prikopat. And most importantly, step right — you're already a Lifeguard, step left — the Aggressor. Param-param-pam!

Why do people choose this role? Alexander Lowen, for example, believes that such people even in childhood there is an internal conflict between love and intimacy, and freedom.

the Parents of such people often say something that can be generally expressed as — do as I say, if you're not gonna do (gonna do it your way) I won't love you: “Until you eat the whole soup — do not come near me”, “Fu, I don't like such dirty boys”, “I do not need such a capricious”. All these phrases, coupled with the demonstration of a “dislike” in the form of a ignore, for example, are interpreted by the child as “either I am free to do what I want or I love. Both impossible”. And when faced with this conflict, the future Victim says: “I will be a good devochkamilaya, I'll do whatever you say just love me please”. And so a man that is either vaguely, and then has no clue what he wants and feels, or he knows about it, but can not Express, or expresses, but they could not defend. In any case, the expression of feelings is blocked by the fear of being unloved. With all this, a man struggling to be good to others, if only it wasn't abandoned.

Abuser


 

He's a Stalker, he is the aggressor.

As the name implies — this role is characterized by an open (or almost open) aggression, desire to control others, position at the top.

Stalkers often believe themselves to be victims of the situation. They refuse to admit that their tactics — charge. When they at this point, they claim that the attack is justified and necessary for self-defense.

In this case, the pursuers can be divided into “honest”, which Express its dominant position directly and openly. This can be seen as a verbal (hardness of voice, interrupting, threats) and nonverbal (takes a lot of space, is embedded in the personal space of the interlocutor, demonstrates physical superiority, etc.) level. And “tempting”. About such talk: “lays Gently but firmly to bed”. They practically do not raise your voices, speak softly. However, with decreasing distance partners of such individuals gradually realize that the only way to stay in a relationship — unconditionally accept the demands of the controller.

that look, and it seems that is the complete antithesis of the helpless, weak Victims. However, it is not. Above I already wrote that the aggressive behavior of people, the weaker he feels. Alexander Lowen believes that the Rapist in his childhood was a traumatic experience when he survived the aggression by the other person. Being naturally strong personality, such a child does not fall into the victim role, and makes the decision “does not allow to treat me" and chooses tactics of protection in the form of an attack.

Lifeguard
 



Well, the last act of our Marlezonskogo ballet. If you often feel sorry for someone and also often there is an almost irresistible urge to help if there is a suspicion that you are more competent, have greater strength, intelligence, more resources and generally better know how to act if you find it difficult to refuse or to leave the person in an embarrassing situation if any situation occurred with your family and friends you know (or on the count of three learn) how to act, if no slips a pleasant sense of omnipotence and omnipotence in relation to the specific situation if the ability to be compassionate and sharp painful feeling of empathy — one of your main strengths and yet you still often feel responsible for everything that happens around you, then congratulations — the role of the Lifeguard is familiar to you firsthand.

These guys seem even more steep than the victim. Those are just delicate flowers, which each can hurt, and these supermen: a bold, active, intelligent, responsible and selflessly help people. It's very cool, that's just one thing. The person is not playing the role of the rescuer from helping people is enriched, and the Rescuer is exhausted, up to self-destruction.

in addition, the desire to help him arises most often in relation to others but not to yourself. Fill your life with other people's problems and to solve them — his way not to think about what's going on with his own life. And yet, it is worth noting that the Rescue often begins to help before it was asked. It's not always bad but not always good. Remember unsolicited advice compassionate grandmothers about how you need to dress your baby, for example.

and finally, what is a pity and desire to help, when you didn't ask? This position is top-down. And the Rescuer is often undertakes a mission of a kind of higher power: take responsibility for the situation of another (often the Victim), does something instead of him, not giving him the opportunity to acquire the experience and to develop their own ways of solving their own problems, become self-reliant and independent. However, he himself, conscious or not, tends to feel the superiority to ensure the power and to emphasize their own virtue.


2019-04-16
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

Что интересного на портале?