a Collective image of clients coming from a similar query.
the Woman, 40-50 years.
Children adults, teenagers. Husband - a successful businessman, a Manager.
Financially dependent on her husband, housewife (rather like the lady of the house), mother.
brief description. Where and how it lives
the Whole life is around her husband, the main value of family. The lack of emotional intimacy with her husband, mutual dissatisfaction. He holds his family very little time, but even back home, he "drags" his work problems, nervousness, bad mood, being puzzled. Infidelity, alcoholism, the preoccupation of the husband of his business life, the lack of it close to important moments in life, lead to the accumulation of grievances, chronic stress. When dealing with friends, her husband often takes authoritarian, tyrannical, overbearing behavior that leads to conflict, and given the dependence of all from him, had to suppress their emotions, dissatisfaction, true needs and feelings. Used to sacrifice themselves, their emotional well-being, health for the sake of relationships. A bad peace is better than a good quarrel, is the motto. Responsible for the emotional welfare of her husband, as he looks "for people."
the Lack of intimacy, sexual problems, dysfunction. Longer is for the man "attractive", but rather an important part of life, which is close vetted, reliable rear "family". The warmth and care have been replaced with generous gifts. Divorce does not think, is in a financial trap, accustomed to the good life, high status, income, services, fear of losing them. Afraid of being alone, the husband will leave, so her husband's infidelity ready to close my eyes, is in constant anxiety, the stress, trying to control by getting back hard. The children grew up, kind of like they have nothing holding the marriage, no common values with her husband, it limits your business world from her, believing that she was not able to understand and share his problems. In these circumstances, she has two choices: either begin to assert themselves, looking for a job, a hobby, or a small business, understanding that it will not contribute to strengthening the family, and can lead to a final rupture. Either accept to leave everything as it is, losing interest in life.
the Main conflict is financial dependence on her husband in frustration emotional and sexual life, inability to leave, to divorce, fear of losing status and comfort. But, to save the marriage for the sake of stability, money is offensive.
lack of implementation, resentment at her husband for not recognizing her value of self-sufficiency, her contribution in his success.
children – the the pain. A dictatorship is a negative, authoritarian, and categorical husband, the lack of warm relations in the family ( love and care is the financial equivalent of) their functionality, while weak, dependent, focused on children (not for yourself) the mother, lead to the infantilization of children, social immaturity, the ability for independent living. Also the options are different types of addiction, psychopathic, anti-social behavior of the child. Growing up in a family, children are beaten in weak, vulnerable places of the parents, their values, status, perfection of the family, "perfect parenting", trying to open, pull out all the family secrets, skeletons in the closet, all that hides behind the facade of a "good family". All this is being experienced very painfully, is perceived as injustice, betrayal, dashed hopes and expectations. Blames spouse. Relationships with children of conflict – the stress, anxiety, fear for their future. A buffer between her husband and her children (child), smooths out sharp corners in the relations between them, tries to hide, to shield them in front of each other. Responsible for the emotional background and peace in the family. Is in constant tension because of this will survive.
what she looks Like.
Either older than their years, although trying to keep yourself in shape. Weight (hormonal dysfunction, lack of libido, a tendency to emotiogenic overeating). Or very well, a lot of time on their appearance, to maintain youth. Tastefully dressed, with short hair, can dress the youth was comfortable with. Always has a "good face on a bad game", keep the face, the facade and image of a family.
Family. Representatives of various service.Girlfriends ( "girlfriends"), the spouse does not favor, therefore, the "family friends", business associates of her husband. Emotional attachment to a pet.
Psychological profile. Personality traits . What is important to her. Emotional state.
There is education, which is not used. Educated, either in a wealthy Patriarchal family settings, "the man breadwinner, a stone wall, the woman is the neck" etc., but often (given the historical context of her childhood) – saw a lot of working, surviving mother of a "simple Soviet woman" dreaming of the Prince, the protector and the breadwinner husband. No skill to take care of themselves. Masochistic (experiencing moral triumph, when it is possible to catch, in something, husband, insensitivity, infidelity, alcoholism, etc.), manipulative. Not accustomed to ask, to demand, to seek, to rely on yourself. Depends on the husband, his moods, so sensitive to any changes in his moods, trying to anticipate, to adapt, to capture the moments. Call it women's wisdom. Prone to violating other people's boundaries, unsolicited advice, statements, expert opinion for any reason. The tendency to rescue. Arrogant, underlines its status as the lawful spouse of such a person, proud of him. At the same time, the insecurity, the instability of the emotional sphere, a permanent condition, neuropsychological stress, loneliness, lack of implementation. Indifferent to entertainment, and pleasure. Rather always "concerned". Limited to the care of the family, therefore, feels a sense of self-sacrifice, which increases the degree of conflict in the family. A very conflictual relationship with children, because they poured all of her self-realization, occupies a dominant and controlling position to him, short-tempered, irritable in relationships with them.
Psychological fatigue, lack of joy, pleasure. Fears and anxiety for children, their own future. Lack of emotional support, strong and stable friendly relations.
Frequent headaches, mood disorders, sleep, irritability, lack of restraint, especially in dealing with children/child. Hypochondria. Prolonged depression. Lost the meaning of life. Need to calm down, to understand yourself, to find peace of mind.
the Basic attitudes that used to follow:
to Help, even if you don't ask.
-Be an excellent mother.
-Always sacrifice herself for others, the context, their desires, their aspirations, their beliefs and, eventually, his body.
the Main "game", which plays in the family: "a Downtrodden housewife", "See I tried", "Frigid woman."
Core values (things of value in the deficit not implemented).
the Emphasis falls on specific physical values - health, financially secure life, education and well-being of children the effectiveness, accuracy, rationality, diligence, tolerance. The pursuit of family well-being, health, family, stability. Recognition, approval. Both public and on the part of the husband. When the failed relationship with her husband the value of "love" is particularly relevant. A strong need to be loved, therefore, can increase the value of love on the side or in dreams, which in turn further erodes marital satisfaction.
the more family-based orientation, the less active life, so values such as freedom, independence, self-confidence, active, sales, not among its priorities. Value orientation on a financially secure life, reduces the value of the values of knowledge, creativity, development, so they are also not a priority. The most important value is emotional-therapeutic function of the family, when the marriage performs the tasks of realization of emotional well-being, comfort, security. Such a family in which the implementation of the tasks of support, emotional release, intimacy and affection. What is not in her family.
What can help her: if you learn to listen to yourself, your needs, desires, learn to be yourself and to satisfy them. Will be released from the role of "rescuer", learn to accept help, support. Learn to appreciate yourself for your personal strengths, not for what he is doing for others. The balance to take is to give in a relationship, if you stop to give more than close can take as much as give it. It is extremely important to her to put their wishes and needs higher than the needs and wishes of others. If the balance of the physical and mental health will be her top priority. The possibility of realization outside the family, finding a different identity.