The psychology of friendship


Psychologists, of course, do a lot of relations of children and parents, wives and husbands, brothers and sisters. But there is in our life and one very important, but for some reason not really known field — friendship. How does it work? What is friendship? Where to find friends? How to make from just a friend become a friend? Read about it below.

How to become friends?

Remember: where did you meet your closest friends? Most of the responses will be like this: in courses, in school, in College, at work. And you know why it is there and not on the street? Because with these people we will:

a) develop together.

We learned something new, found themselves in unusual situations together growing up physically or psychologically. So we changed in the same direction, together, received life experience. Therefore, it is often the strongest friendships are forged between 16 and 28: it was at this time formed the personality of an adult.

b) regular meetings

We had to be at the same time in the same place. These meetings were organized as if "top" is work or studies. Well, then we went somewhere else. br>
C) have common interests and values. br>
You did not just punctually appeared with these people in one place! You were there where you wonder did that seems important. That is, in these places were not just any people, but by specially selected — those who are interested in what you, which was something to talk about. br>
Here are three simple component and are the Foundation for friendship. Want new friends? Go where you're interested. And not once to go and enter in a course. Or it won't work.

Where to find friends?

A sad to say that the older you get, the harder it is to make friendships: old friends sometimes fade away, but new people to get closer not easy. br>
But this is not because people have children, and so they don't need anyone else. On the contrary, adults are in need of friendship. And no family may be psychologically healthy if it is closed. That is, if there is no pair of friends, both General and each his.

Friends with age becomes smaller for two reasons:

1) We become more discriminating. br>
a Child or teenager has not yet formed as a person. Psychologists believe that up to 28 years (if not longer) we don't know who we are and what we want from life, what suits us and what doesn't. But when we understand, we can't be friends with everyone. Now we need people with similar values and Outlook on life. Those who look in the same direction. Just a General experience is not enough. Now we need to draw conclusions from this experience we have been doing similar.

2) One does not organize meetings

Remember the point "b"? Which is about regular meetings? So: early regular meetings with people we provided someone to "top" school, College. Here we have used that people have taken from somewhere. But the situation then changed, and we are no longer friends does not deliver. There is only one exception to this is work. And there is a trick...

You've mentioned such stories: that work together and like to make friends. And then one of you changes jobs, you agree not to lose touch and continue to chat, but... for some reason the friendship ends. Like everyone wanted, but once separated.

the explanation of this phenomenon found Jen Yeager. This wonderful specialist, studying friendships, discovered here is a fact: this is due to the fact that we convert our relationship from friendly to friendly. And you know how that happens? Elementary! Enough at least three times to be with this person in a setting other than the work. And that's all! That is a beret of the person you like and invite to the exhibition, a new cafe and yoga classes. And all the new level is reached! br>
Often adults people are lonely because still waiting for delivery friends. And that in adult life will be gone, it's time to do something that will provide us with a friendly communication. br>
What is friendship?

Researchers identify three types of friends: friends in the mountain friends in joy and friends all over.

Friends in grief is the people who provide support in a difficult situation (I hope you know that grief cannot throw yourself one? Only to people, no loneliness, please!). They will listen, help, prompt, will take your sadness or anger. But this type of friends (according to those same researchers, don't blame me if anything:)) I can hardly stand the joy. That is, if you have something good happen, or they will find this negative, or are unable to share your enthusiasm, and will just have to sit with a neutral face. br>
Friends in joy — that, you guessed it, the opposite type of friends. They are fun, easy, active, know how to entertain and have fun. But they can't stand negative feelings (anger or sadness). If you share with them what bothers you, they can dismiss, devalue your feelings with something like "fuck yeah" or "but children in Africa are starving, so you have garbage, not the problem". Of course, such a reaction can be very painful.

Friends and in sorrow and in joy — this is rare people. Those who accept you whole. They are able to support when things go wrong, and work together to have fun, to get pleasure from life. They themselves are solid, and the friendship with them is the same.

it seems to Me that the types of friends a little more. For example, "friends at work" - those colleagues with whom you may be together and not work, but they are cooked in the same field. These people really need, after all, who can understand the difficulties of your work, if not they?
Can be "friends in sport". To share an experience, suggest something about the body work, go for a run, workout or competition they are not just able, but will make it with pleasure.
perhaps you have "friends for spiritual growth", "interest in art", "women's tricks and rituals" and so on. Maybe you a completely different look to all other areas of life, but specifically in that they understand you like no other.

In General, types a lot of friends. The problems begin when we expect from another what he cannot give. Often we want to be in one person combined all the pros to share your every interest and all had a similar point of view. But it does not happen. It happens that there are best friends, and there are those who supplements. For example, your best friend can be a very decent and reliable person, but he is not interested in literature, but for you it is important part of life. But there is another person with whom you can discuss the book. So we make communication with people fully, not forcing someone to do what he wants. We can greatly wound, expecting from the other what he is not ready. And can contact. br>
do Not throw yourself into a puddle of loneliness! Make new friends (of course, not forgetting the old) and don't think that "we have too adults, and no useless". All all need it, I will say as a psychologist. So make friends and be drugima:)

Catherine Oksanen
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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