"the Only person you will spend your entire life is yourself". (C)

Life is relationships. Nothing brings so much hope, joy, anger, sadness, surprise, frustration, happiness, anxiety and many other feelings and emotions as relationships. Without relationships life is meaningless. In order to know ourselves, we need Another.

Each new life begins with relationships. Mom and dad for the first time to learn that soon they will You. And for this event they already are. Often, positively and with a joyful anticipation, not uncommon with anxiety, worry and fear. And depending on those feelings, the mother will build a relationship with you. Either they will be a lot of love, warmth, happy expectations ("Come back soon, we love you very much and wait"), or a lot of sadness, rejection, and failure ("Not at the time that, we did not plan").

Then the period of the symbiosis inside mommy ends and blends in symbiosis on the outside. The first year of life a child is totally dependent on the mother and the relationship with her. How a mother feels the child and respond if all requirements are met on time and whether there is physical contact, warmth and intimacy. Ideally, during this year the child develops a basic trust in the world. Or, conversely, distrust is formed. Then the world – the place where a scary, lonely, unsafe and surrounded by enemies.

Then, about a year, the child begins to walk and relationship with her mother change. The child is separated from mom, and relations with the outside world entice all the more. Ideally, there is a lot of curiosity and interest in the outside world. And then the parents start to tell us about ourselves, what we are: good, smart, talented, quick, cute, interesting, or, conversely, ugly, bad, harmful, boring, naughty, greedy. Something like this, looking into the eyes of the mother, as in a mirror, we learn about who we are and what we are. Formed self. I.e. initially, our attitude depends on the attitude of parents to us.

With age, this attitude is embedded in us from the outside to the inside. And formed self-esteem: low, high, or adequate. And this then affects our relationship with Other people: environment, friends, partners, colleagues, supervisors, and so on. In all subsequent relationships in the outside world we are losing about the same patterns that were in our first relationships with significant adults (mother and father or other persons replacing them).

If this relationship had a lot of injuries, pain, neglect, violence, resentment, rejection, the probability that all subsequent relations will be recalled. We take it as the norm. And will lose repeatedly the same script to step on the same rake, to meet people that cause us pain, to get in a situation where we are rejected and to experience the same negative feelings. Familiar, familiar and understandable.

Therefore, if there are difficulties in the relationship, then the red line are two important topics:

1) himself (as an adult today) – are you a victim or a winner?

2) relationship with parents (adult-Adult or still a Child-Parent) – Mature or immature?

All relationships is projection. The other mirror. We are attracted to it, the part that reminds us. What we do not have or what we ourselves reject or accept.

James Hollis writes about relationships like this:

"we're All strangers, together and individually. Fate decreed that we were two seats in the plane flying on the coast. Being alone, we can help the journey of Another who, in turn, can help us. We are going on the ship alone and go ashore, too, in solitude, in solitude move to the designated final. We get each other a lot of use, not using each other. Our projection to Another is inevitable; and in fact it is a good idea, for they greatly enrich our journey. But as soon as we cling to them, they will mislead us from the path leading to our individual purposes."

Jungian psychoanalyst suggests that the relationship, in essence, given to us in order that we individually developed, instead of looking for salvation at the expense of Another. Ie would not seek the meaning of our lives in the hope that it will satisfy all our deepest needs, as once in my childhood did the Parents. It is an illusion of the Good Magician. Relationships with Others help us to understand who we are, where we are going and most importantly, to pass this Way. But often the projection down and take us away from this path.

If You are confused, lost orientation, relationships cause a lot of stress and difficult feelings, are invited to individual consultations.

Author: Olga Levko, psychologist

Olga Borisovna
Статья выложена в ознакомительных целях. Все права на текст принадлежат ресурсу и/или автору (B17 B17)

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