just wanted to clarify that we're not talking here about the crisis and force majeure menacing to life and health. Here we are talking about conditional rescue.
Sometimes we feel that we have to solve the problems of the other person for it. In some people this feeling is present almost constantly. This behavior of the mass reasons:
- the desire to be needed and important;
- inability to fix something in your life, but, as compensation, to help all around;
- the desire to facilitate the task themselves in the future (will go, would cause the help you do not correct someone else's mistakes);
- desire thus to alter the situation so that would be convenient for myself (don't think like you think, I think. Don't feel your feelings, feel like I);
- feelings of guilt because of another person's actions and their inaction (after all, it costs me nothing to go and save him, and he would die without me).
what is the harm of casatella?
the Victim, which is all the time saving - not growing, not developing. The role of the lifeguard is not Autonomous. You can only save the victim. All the time helping, he creates a co-dependent relationship. The victim is conveniently to be saved – it does not solve their difficulties on their own. A lifeguard feels your importance. The more he saves, the less responsibility taking, not the victim.
Spasatelno often tightens imperceptibly. People really want the best, brings good to the world. But such relations are tightened. I want to be fit, important. And ultimately, the squad will carry out their mission no matter what: if he's sick, tired, destroying themselves and their borders, denying their own needs. Otherwise, he feels guilty and its not a necessity.
- help until requested to do so. It's one thing to ask how the person is doing, and to Express a willingness to support. Another thing is to run and save. You will not be able to save as much as you need. And maybe get a claim for that bad saved, not efficiently, not quickly enough.
- Ask what you can do to help and act in this framework
- don't help if you don't want to help. Don't do what you don't want to do.
- You can only help 50%. You can only do what depends on you, not peretruzhdayas. Once you start to do something FOR other human you save. For example, you can give the business card of a specialist, but a person calls themselves. And you can't control, call it or not. This is not your field of responsibility.
- it is Not necessary to believe that the person helpless. If a person has no violations of intelligence, if not a very small child, if he is not unconscious - it is not helpless.
- If the victim requires your participation in solving its problems or difficulties hard to overcome by man's self – offer to seek help from a specialist.
- it is Often difficult to come to terms with the situation, when you see that a person is to help, but he himself does nothing. You already gave a card and postoperatively, and have given advice and the person takes no action. I want to take it on themselves to drag, to save. And this is perhaps one of the most complex of ideas: it is impossible to save everyone, it is impossible to control everything. Man is responsible for himself. Here you need to remember all previous points and say to yourself "stop". If he asked for my help? Explained what it is waiting from me? If I want to do this? What can I do in the framework of its possibilities?
- the Last item I want to add from your experience. I often hear from various people about the following idea: "why should I sit and empathize with the situation? It's pointless. I'd rather help physically or financially". It's about a rescue operation. I'll give you now will bring, do, sit quietly. If you asked for it, for you it's really not hard and you don't expect anything in return – it can be done. But an important step that decides a third of all difficulties is to start asking how man case. And maybe then, you will really help.