The secret of failure in a new relationship. As we become addicted?

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I Want to share with You a personal observation and experience in situations, when we change a Partner or want to join in newrelationship. There is another danger in the emergence ofdependence from the partner and expectations that can not be justified.

I Note that relationship is not just a bed and socks in Your dresser, relations – this is when we start something to experience in connection with communication with some person happened to others we are not experiencing. There is a desire "to present" and "present", to distinguish yourself from the crowd. We declare ourselves and we do it to look successful, professional, knowledgeable, good, etc. etc. Here is trigger our fantasy of reality about what we would like to be in the eyes of the Partner, and its also( to this later)

in this moment there is? Why here triggered dependencies, which inevitably leads to more dissatisfaction, not saturable, and discomfort?

Dependency relations is an attempt to satisfy their relationships neudovletvoreny way, namely, not asking and not knowing what I want to make every effort to get the state of "I feel GOOD".

Avoiding his fortune, perhaps of loneliness, vulnerability, loss of the ability to listen to yourself, after the First Marriage we climb "INTO SOMETHING". We unknowingly tumble into a new, incomprehensible, but so much needed relationship with a crazy speed night American Express. Our partner if he's answering our calls, doing it at the same speed. It turns out the explosion that destroys them both. And blows not only from the fact that someone came up with this reality, own needs, but also from the fact that I did not have time to consider, I, a woman, did not have time to meet with yourself, with your Want can Not be with her, a real, which to me can be terrifying. And so be it, I don't know, can't hear, the need for desire can not translate and the like that do not understand what is happening, or rather, to understand scary. And pulls us into new feelings, because we are left alone with a stranger. We don't know what to do with myself. And the brighter feelings to the Partner, than it is steeper than we think: gentle, affectionate, understanding, Perfect, in fact worse than we have with them. We are afraid of ourselves, we are not able to satisfy their need for tenderness, for example, so for us It seems very gentle, or we can't call security, so he we perceived sermorelin. We have a plan for him "get me his tenderness, and my then lack of it will pass." Here it is, the very essence of dependency.

What to do?

  1. Meet need with. How to do it yourself? In the beginning, spend some time alone. Try to enter the state of “as whether I froze.” Feel what You feel when You're one when You see the man, no matter what, what do You feel when You are asking for help that You turn on when it makes a man, and that when a woman that is with you when You refuse or want to take care of. It is very important to configure and develop the relationship with your right brain, it's like hearing or vision, we can learn to listen to yourself.
  2. Next step is to understand what needs the feeling. What does it mean? We all, in the nature of our personality have basic needs: love, protection as a bodily emotional need satisfaction, need for recognition and the need for aggression (I say immediately, aggression is the energy that moves us, so it's not bad:-).

the Feelings that arise, come from the desire to satisfy a particular need. For example: when I come home and begin to resent that my husband is not met, the resentment comes from the need for love, if I want to tell him about his dissatisfaction that annoys me that he spends little time with the child, I hereby say this with a sense of irritation, and may appear as recognition and acceptance, that is, I tell you, and you're still taking what I was not.

I recently had this situation, I was in the company of 2 men and 7 women, we have such a crowd gathered, I all the time about something talked to was active that caused a certain irritation among some ladies. The situation is real and normal. How to put the needs: I had a need for recognition and approval, and those who were angry with me was the need for recognition of their own. We have experienced different feelings, but the need we had in common. Similarly, in relationships. Feel is different, the needs are the same. We all crave approval, acceptance, with all its dark sides and we all fear that this economy has not rejected.

That's it. So the secret of failure, but rather again discomfort and include dependent is the lack of time to stay in this chaos, in the uncertainty of their lives and their desires to clarify their feelings and their needs. This is the perfect time in order to learn how to choose and choice is what teaches us to listen to ourselves. This process can be very resource and development and leads to the opposite.

PS. a little Gestalt...I hope that “edible”

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