In this article I want to talk about the manipulation of silence. There is such manipulation - "no answer". I mentioned it in your course on manipulation (here: https://www.b17.ru/courses/manipulations_in_touch/ ) in a more expanded form as "ignoring" opponent.
folk wisdom has long noted that only really smart people know how to restrain myself and not say everything that came to their minds, knowing that sometimes it is better to remain silent and in any case it is better first to think about what you're gonna say. Hence the saying that “word - silver, silence — gold”.
As noted by William Shakespeare, “where words are not enough — there they have weight”. A great theater Director Stanislavsky at the time noticed how much of an impact on the viewer and listener the time has made a pause. “Matovski pause” became famous all over the world and currently is a classic theatrical art. But what this is “Mat pause”? - “only” well-timed silence.
Silence can be used not only in the theatre or public speaking. Probably almost all of their children's experience, as vybeshivaet parents, teachers or caregivers when we were silent in response to their claims. Remember this? But this caused us confusion because we were not silent on purpose, not to piss them off, and just because I didn't know what to say. And why are they, by the way, mad?
by the way, and in adult life it is found at every step: From the people without any exception arises or a fairly severe irritation, if they are ignored in response to their treatment, or oppressive emotion of anxiety. therefore, if You did not respond to rudeness in Your address, pretending to be the offender for You — an empty space and nothing more, You give one of the most painful to the offender responses to rudeness in Your address.
the fact that our mind is so constituted that if we asked someone a question or spoke to someone (for example, just say Hello), but got no answer, or rather — received in response to the silence, our brain automatically identificeret this situation as dangerous because there is uncertainty, and uncertainty in recorded human psyche always responds or emotion of anxiety, or the emotion of anger.
that is, when a manipulation of silence, the calculation is just done on the appearance of the victim's emotions of anxiety or irritation. The manipulator is usually deliberately not answering treatment or issues of the victim, pretends not to notice the sacrifice. And exactly this is the manipulation of silence. The goal of the manipulator can be:
a) just to torture the victim (she's bad when she's sitting in a state of anxiety or rages in impotent fury, for example, to punish in this way their prey. br>
first, you can punish with silence (ignoring) those who allow themselves to sharpness to Your address. Probably, most people know the formula «all — this man does not exist to me” (“I have his hands no longer shake”). br>
second, it is well known by those who love to be offended and their victims. “I'm not talking to you anymore" means precisely this manipulation. This means that when you call the victim to the manipulator, the victim would ignore, pretending not to notice neither her questions nor her greetings or her other cases.
b) to ensure that the victim went manipulator concessions, exhausted by anxiety.
About it I already wrote above, when I mentioned the formula “I'm not talking to you anymore”. Usually by manipulation of silence (neglect) the manipulator seeks from the victim he needed concessions.
C) to ensure that the victim enraged by the fact that its ignored, made incriminating her actions: for example, said different things: after all, as the scent of roses always smell from hands, which gives them, and “the smell of shit” firmly associated with someone who allows himself boorish remarks to a foreign address. br>
As there was Igor Guberman:
Me, my disgust road,
guiding Me for a long time:
Even to spit at the enemy,
I never put in my mouth shit.
Huberman, probably knows the law of psychology that anyone who throws insults or rudeness, it is always because of this, usually looks much worse than the one he is trying to devalue or insult. Dirty another may not work, but trying to do it yourself will almost always stain.
d) to demonstrate to others that the manipulator dominates here in a situation to show everyone that he's in charge. After all, if someone can afford the luxury of ignoring those who are drawn to him unconsciously perceive all this as a person with a stronger position. br>(Exception — this trial: the force of the law those who themselves do not defend in court, usually (but not always), recognized by a court having the weaker position.)
That is, each time, if the person suddenly starts to ignore You, not answering Your questions, not responding to the appeal to him, note that You used against the manipulation of "no answer". Thus, You transform the situation from uncertain to certain. And this, in turn, will allow You to get rid of emotions of anxiety and (or) impotent rage, because both these wonderful emotions arise in such situations because of feelings of uncertainty. br>
If You clearly said yourself, say something like "Ahh, of course - he is manipulating, he is the purpose of this - his silence in response to my appeal to give me trouble or that I'm helplessly furious”, almost always all Your negative emotions will disappear. However, you can not disappear if, for example, You have not notice You megalomania (“Nobody dare ignore me!”, “no One has the right to remain silent, when I call to him!” and so on) but that — is another story.