a Phone call interrupted my leisurely evening meal. Called my client was a young mom, a family history of which I knew in detail. After tracking her delivery, we have established a relationship of trust, and late call said only that it was something of great urgency.
– Irina, I don't know how to tell you, but nobody else don't dare to call her voice trembled through the excitement and tears, she continued, – Just dropped my baby off a changing table. I don't know how it happened! Just for a moment digress, and now this... Tell me what to do? To go to the doctor or not?
– is She crying now? I can't hear...
– No, not crying already. Calmed down under the breast. But I'm very afraid for her. Very!
– what does your husband think about the treatment in the hospital?
I do Not know. He's still at work. I'm afraid to call him. And mom can't say...
let's see what we can do. If the baby calmed down, so the sharp pain was gone, and there is time to make a decision. I think the father has every right to know about what happened. Understand me, I can't for you to decide what to do with your child. Can not and on the phone to assess the situation. In the end, I'm not a doctor. Tell me, do you now feel guilty?
I feel embarrassed to tell someone about it. And Yes, I blame myself. After all, this is the second case. The first time she fell off the couch, and I didn't tell anyone. I'm trying so hard to do everything right. Why? Why is this happening to me?
– Honey, I'm sorry. I don't know why. Let's now think about how you will tell your husband about this. And then you together decide. What applies to you and your mom will tell you straight. Maybe it is time to stop your games with her on the subject of who you a "Best mom"? Understand one thing: the ideal of motherhood does not happen! She has made your mistakes, you're entitled to your own. Don't blame yourself now. Think about how to rectify the situation. If you will be safer after a visit to the hospital, then go for it. If the baby continues to be relaxed, and you come back, you still tell me wife about the incident. But if he patrioits, then we must do everything to anxiety and doubt in your family. You alone are responsible for the health and welfare of your child. You and make a decision. Do you agree with me?
Very often in my practice I deal with the desire of women to live a perfect pregnancy, perfect birth and to become perfect mothers. But experience tells us that any efforts to make things right do not exclude the accomplishment of any error and occurrence of deep disappointment. With the advent of a vast amount of information we began to know too much about how to live, to bear and raise children. The more I personally learned about the psychology of child development, the greater became the distance between my parents and me. Difficult was the realization that I was punished when needed to support, endorse and defend. Together with the coming of information back pain pop up children's resentment and fears.
Only later I was able to distinguish between guilt and responsibility, stopped blaming themselves and their parents. But someone is usually guilty? Whoever knowingly and willfully hurt and harm another person. So did our parents deliberately tried to hurt us? And we? As we do about our kids today? Unless we do something not for the best of reasons?
the Idealization of motherhood and competition with your own mother is one of the causes of female infertility, about which few people speak in the modern world. Sometimes children do not want to come. To be a kid perfect moms is not so easy. Need endlessly to justify her expectations, to reach its heights. To deserve her love achievements. A baby needs most ordinary but dedicated mother who is able to comfort him, trusting his strength to adapt to this unpredictable world, loving unconditionally simply because he is choosing her as a mother.
In parenthood, as in marriage, there is a place for different feelings and sensations: anger, fatigue, and fear, and shame... And yet we are silent about these feelings, they grow deeply in us and take root, filling all the space inside. Something perfect exists only in the abstract coordinates. But we live here and now on earth. So let's take off the mask and let's go from the ideal to the most common, but devoted to the children parents. Loyal to themselves and their spouses.