In one of the models explaining domestic violence, called "Wheel of power and control", the author of the violence maintains the power and control their partner, using multiple forms of violence, sometimes resorting to physical. And this can be seen in any relationship where there is a disposition of the authorities, including child-parent. br>
This understanding of the situation, more comprehensive, allows to construct a slightly different type of work with the authors of violence – not only at the level of the tracking behavior (in search of the cycle of violence, which in itself is very valuable), but also on the level alternatives in all life spheres. Ie, instead of threats, instead of depreciation – respect, instead of economic violence – common arrangement. It all becomes possible when you understand the value of relationships with partner and with own children. What the author of the violence ready to work on re-evaluation of the huge reservoir of his personal story. br>
Motivation changes for the partner or for the children can be quite supportive, as it is more external. Internal motivation is the search for the value, which is the basis of preservation of a particular relationship. You can ask yourself the question – why it is important for me to maintain or build my relationships with the child/children? What will happen next if I leave it as it is? How might this affect our relationship in a month, a year, five, ten years? Indeed it is the future that I want? br>
Today was: mom was under the hand of two-year baby, catching up with his older brother about four years old, who had gone forward on the bike. The kid, as it happens, went forward, not looking back and not knowing what's heading the other way, and the mother calls him back. At some point, the mother obviously emotional, caught up with him and at first scolded, then stabbed several times in the face. I'm not in judgment and discussion of now this situation and that was then. A familiar situation for someone even a friend to the pain. br>
Then mom said son go in them, and went forward, and son, stuck on a bump the wheel, she began to scream, probably to wait (in non-Russian language, does not know what he was yelling it). I turned to look at the baby and saw his face, distorted with hatred. Here, meet this person in relation to itself, to meet the appropriate attitude, to meet indifference or cruelty to himself, and then, in the future, to learn in his growing up the son of a domestic tyrant – is this what we want? Of course not. We, as parents, we want to be loved, valued and respected, listened to the opinion and experience was considered our needs and desires.

Therefore, one of directions of work with the authors of violence is the transformation of all patterns of interaction in the center of which is the strengthening of good enough attachment and a sufficiently good relationship. br>