Among the pre-holiday rush the phone rang. A friend calls. She is a pediatrician, sought-after specialist who has a few jobs in order to support the family budget at a decent level. Tired terribly, especially since her work is in different parts of the city and trips very exhausting. No foreplay begins to describe his present deplorable situation at home.
the House is she and the son of 27 years, whom she brought up and raised one, because the husband, afraid of the difficulties of raising a family with a child, ran away when the child was just a baby. Friend helped in the upbringing of son mom, aka grandma – the woman with autocratic tendencies. Both women (mother and grandmother) raised her son to love and care, tasty fed, well-clothed, tried to fulfill his children's requests. Grandmother strictly "told" my mom that she is doing is wrong, wrong, inappropriate... "Told" in the presence of the son. Falling from tired Mama tried silently to please his mother, swallowed resentment to a showdown not to hurt my son.
the Son concludes: to get what you want, you can maneuver between mom and grandma, and if you do it skillfully, then you can get a double benefit. And lived: my mom worked really hard, grandma grandson nursed delicious. But the son graduated from high school, the question arose about the choice of future path. The son understood that the Institute a lot of work, and then to work all my life as a mom. Mom, on the contrary, wanted to give his son a higher education and then the opportunity to arrange his life. She made a son in one INSTITUTION, when he threw it, rubbed it in College, giving a very in demand profession nowadays. Mother helped son to this profession. What it is worth it – it's a different story. But... the son did not want to work in this profession: there is also need to invest their energy, the willpower, the ability, the skills...He decided to go his own way: to get yourself to work, as you can, and better AS and WHEN he wants! However, it turned out that this work is not easy!!!
the family began to have serious conversations, scandals, cries... Grandma, in order to spare his health, went to live with his other daughter. And my friend was left alone with her for adults a son who makes demands and wants to get what he wants, but doing nothing and giving nothing in return.
the Girlfriend was tormented by the question: "Why did this happen?" And really, WHY? After all, native people (mom and grandma) tried to give the child the best, ready, protect him from potential problems, all solved and do it yourself, not touching him, not disturbing, not loading... I Wanted to see the baby in future, adult, strong, successful Man, who finally appears in their family! Why is this happening?
Obviously, because the child just blindly loved, protected, gave. Instead, first, to teach independence, responsibility, readiness to make decisions and execute them to succeed (even the slightest), but on their own, to move myself forward, overcoming difficulties, enjoying success and receiving support, endorsement or advice from their relatives; second, to negotiate for adults on common rules and requirements within the family, to the son since the childhood have learned that in life there are certain rules which must be respected and accomplish in order to be fully human to trust the child.
Blind love and therefore called the blind adults people do not see (or want to see?) its priorities in the education of the individual child, do not understand that kind of love is destroying the entire family structure.
Now all adult members of the family will see the light, to rebuild family structure, and their relationships with each other, and make new rules in your life... long hard work of all. For what? In order to teach the now adult child of what I had learned in childhood.
what do You think about this?
I would appreciate Your feedback. Thank you and see you!