Many psychologists and therapists use just a few techniques that are used in the business, it is important to try to be flexible and resource specialist and give customers much needed tools and techniques as may be necessary for effective aid.
In the book Robert dashing "Cognitive Therapy Techniques" is 125 techniques that skilled CBT therapist can use in their practice. Consider some of the most simple, which therapists can use to help clients cope with potrebnostey approval. br>
1. assess the situation
This is sort of the trigger of your anxiety about what people will think about you. br>
For example, you decided to ask someone to change their behavior, but before you decide to apply, you start to worry too much, and you climb to different thoughts and feelings. br>
2. What are the advantages and disadvantages to all the time need approval?
This is sort of a motivational interview for you to explore this idea as a "I need approval". br>
What price do you pay for approval? br>
on the one hand, you think that you will all love, if you will continue to need approval, or that it will help you not to be a narcissist. br>
on the other hand, you will be difficult to remain honest with himself and with others, and will also be more difficult to meet their needs, you worry about what will happen and how you let people take advantage of you. br>
3. What are the negative automatic thoughts come to your mind?
"She'll think I'm pathetic"; "She doesn't love me"; or "He'll think I'm annoying," you can also argue "it's Terrible that someone I don't like you" or "I can't stand differences." br>
4. What these thoughts mean to you?
For example, someone might say, "If she doesn't love me, it means I'm bad or something is wrong." Another might have thought "Climb bad rumors and I have no friends". Such arguments can provoke your need for approval. br>
5. Look for evidence, find the logic of his argument.
For example, if you're really a bad person? Does this mean that you really something wrong, just because someone disagrees with you? Could it be that you and this person just some thoughts, different interpretations of the same or you just have different information? br>
Could it be that you really are right? If you think that people will be disappointed in you, ask yourself the question, have you ever had a disagreement with someone who, in spite of differences of opinion between you and remained your friend? br>
6. Use the technique of double standards
Really if someone expresses their disagreement to you, you are forever disappointed in him, taking the person off? br>
Think of yourself as a good friend, to whom you gave the advice: what advice would you give to a friend if someone doesn't like what your friend said? br>
You would have concluded that your friend is bad? br>
– No. br>
– So you show more compassion towards others than towards myself. br>
7. What can you do if you find that you do someone doesn't like you?
you Can look at things in perspective, it allows you to let go of the situation. Suppose you treat yourself with respect and behave confidently with someone, but now he doesn't love you. br>
What do you do? Can you still see your partner, your family, children, friends and colleagues. Can you continue to engage in the activity, which involved up to this? If you can do quite a lot of what you were doing, then does it make sense that someone didn't like what you said – or didn't like you? br>
8. What are you going to feel about this in the future?
Often when we are upset about something, and at that moment realize that it is actually our emotions are not constant, but variable, one after another. Did it happen that you feel upset after talking with someone, say, three months ago – but you now can not continue to think about it? This is because a lot more of what events occurred in your life after that, and what was then, was the "fade in memory" and replaced by a new look at this in the future, and you will be able to easily let go of the past. br>
9. Take disapproval as the norm
We are often upset about something and it happens to all of us. Is there someone in your environment who receives the approval of all people without exception? Then why are you still worried? – Each of us are surrounded by people who don't like what he says or does – and the less we are able thus to live and even thrive – why you should be the only person that needs to get universal approval from everyone? br>
10. Practice confident behavior
the Best way to overcome anxiety and fear – to begin to practice behavior that is alarming. For example, if you're afraid of disapproval, go to the store and ask for a 50% discount on something you have no intention to buy. You will notice how the seller looks at you like a madman, you can just say: "I thought I would be able to get the best deal today," the point is that deliberately getting painless disapproval, you realize that nothing essentially has not changed – except that now you have become able to confidently Express themselves. br>
a friend of mine once said, "No matter what you do, there will always be people who don't like you." Get rid of the habit to try to please everyone. Our desire to gain approval is part of human nature. We don't want to be hostile, egocentric, and no one respected, but we can diplomatically to show confidence and sensitivity towards others, continuing to do what some people do not have to like it. The only way forward is to be able to go through with disapproval.
Author: Robert L. Leahy, Ph.D. Anxietyfiles
the author of the translation: Christina Gudkova