To save or to destroy?


“You know, we still decided to get a divorce" - a phrase, which sounds as if people were saying that they decided not to ride ice skating and skiing, or prefer fish to meat animals.

And the reasons for the divorce are sometimes so insignificant that the wonder - And the people in General understand that life after the lavish celebrations – not only legalized sex and joint the party when you can hang out until morning, not fearing the wrath of parents.

What happens to the relationship, and what reasons lie on the surface, begin to destroy the marriage from the very beginning?

  1. Living with parents. Even with the best in the world. Understand once and for all that while You live with your parents – You – are always in the role of the child. And the child does not take serious decisions and is not responsible for his life. And, moreover, can not build their personal family, without the intervention of a parent of an eye.

Or You quietly become a parent of their parents and must care for them, forgetting about his own family. Those, and other stories abound.

What to do? Rent or buy their own homes. Can't? Don't marry!

 2. waiting for the partner telepathic abilities, long grievances, manipulative tantrums or silence and eternal pessimism.

And the spouse must guess what today You are suffering, hysteria, or silent sulking. Psychological masochist will endure long adequate partners will not last long.

 3. Different temperaments and biorhythms. all:

- sex (“And when they want to go?”, “ I never knew women could be so insatiable!”); and You thought that after the wedding, he/she will be more “Cold”?

 - in Hobbies: her skiing downhill - it sofa and beer; it is active rest – it 14 days in a sun lounger by the sea;

 - in communication: he is an introvert – she need to communicate; it – TV and book, him – night clubs and football with hockey.

 - it – the lark at 21.00 – 22.00 sleep 5 – 6 the rise, he – owl – 4-5 am only lies.

 Opposites certainly are attracted, only live on the wave, quickly becoming roommates with stock phrases, kisses and imitation of family life.

 4. Unwillingness to work on relationships, to talk to each other, to take into account the individuality of the other person, ignoring help from a psychologist. But, how many couples in my professional practice live happily together overcoming the crisis.

 5. Treason.

  “It was only once!”. Or the classic: “Yes, I am 10 years walked, drank, cheated on, spit on the family, but now I realized! Why isn't she willing to return?”.

Perhaps because psychologically matured and no longer wants to be a mother to husband, a teenager?

“This is pure physiology! I love only her!”. Perhaps the relationship “Sex is a coffee” have become almost the norm. Here only to accept this “normal” not everyone is ready. Especially those partners who respect their own self.

 6. “I want that he/it was(-and)…”, - and your partner is ready “adapt” your “want”? You do not know? So, ask him/her, I'm sure they feel good in your own individuality. And their “want” implement in my own life, sports or start cooking classes.

 7. One partner has outgrown the other.

Yes. A very frequent case. Now, when so many opportunities for the development, communication, and visits to different events and learning new things, - you can easily lose the interest of your partner, if you remain at your first meeting 10-15 years ago.

 the List goes on, but it's better to make each of you your own to think about the reason for cooling or exclusion, and perhaps even to correct the situation. For example, remembering that you are not only husband and wife, mom and dad, the host and hostess, but you're still a man and a woman who once met and fell in love with each other. Remember how it was? Maybe it's time to remember it, right?

And by the way, how long have You been with your spouse on a romantic date?

how long ago was engaged in missionary is not love in the usual bedroom, and, for example,  in the hotel room?

 And texts? You write each other romantic SMS (“bread!” is not about that)?

 by the Way, dear women, men like to get this kind of SMS, even if they do not know how to send back a nice message.

 You think that in other respects, everything will be different? Yes, someone is very lucky to find the happiness dreamed of. But all right? So maybe before you make the decision to divorce, try to work on themselves relations? What do You think?

And by the way, we must begin with ourselves, a smooth transition to work in pairs.

Or You have a different opinion? Share.

( online published, as a psychologist Irina Courage)

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