We treat ourselves, as in childhood we were treated by our parents. If they have shame for natural spontaneity, we will be ashamed and stop yourself in the activity. If they were accusing, resenting us - we every time blame yourself when something goes wrong. We will be afraid to feel toxic shame and toxic guilt, so we will suppress his own aggression, to become comfortable around you. We are going to deprive yourself of spontaneity and step on your throat. Every day of committing violence against themselves.

And experience happiness, in fact, is the opposite. The more we allow ourselves alive, genuine and spontaneous manifestations, the more full, varied and rich our life becomes. Moreover, it is not only the manifestations of joy and delight. It is important to give the right to life and so called “negative feelings” - anger, rage, resentment... 

It is in the experiencing of these "bad" emotions, we often stopped. In the end, have less access to enjoyable experiences. After all, withholding affection are accumulated and the result is filled to the exclusion of all others. It is difficult to detect, let's say, fondness for another person, if you long to accumulate him irritation. 

the Experience of anger or resentment is often blocked by shame. I am ashamed to be angry and offended - you need to be good and strong! Always! Shame, as you know, an experience – stopping life processes. Physically difficult breathing, paralyzing activity. This feeling of muscular "freeze". Shame I want to "disappear" or cease to be.

Surviving the toxic, all-encompassing shame, it is impossible to feel anything else. There is no access to healthy aggression. State is experienced as isolation, like you "behind glass".

If the shame is too much and it occurs too often, the aggression stops in the expression and accumulates. And like water, overflowing the bucket begins to overflow with unauthorized or search for crack for release. This may occur, for example, in uncontrolled outbursts of irritation and anger, for various petty reasons or just diffuse in a constant state of irritation – when the whole world is annoying! In many cases – aggression, not finding a way out, suppressed, turning into a depressive state.

This means that energy is not being directed to the satisfaction of true human needs. Its flow blocked "dam" of shame or fear of being guilty.

And then the person just can't feel happy and full. His needs remain unmet, he is hungry in every sense.

for Example, the shame does not take the heat or get a confession in relationships. And fear feel bad not giving something for himself, forcing all the time to work on the other.

And in these moments we are, in fact, do not live in full force, as could live. Physiologically, of course, live, and mentally, psychologically –  survive, survive. 

 Gestalt therapy we support the experience of all emotions and feelings that arise, regardless of "good" or they "bad". In the treatment is it possible to get a different experience - the experience of accepting yourself the way pluchaetsya to be. And it's worth it. If we can a priori allow yourself different feelings, we have a conscious choice - what to show and what shape to choose. We can choose to be ashamed or not ashamed, to take some responsibility or not accept. To have a choice in their emotional reactions that coveted sense of freedom.

Author Elena Mitina (source)

Recording individual, family and group meetings

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