To support other

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either way, people need support. Without it it is difficult to live and to be happy is harder. Difficulties in any sphere of life experienced easier if you have someone to support.  

 Sometimes that support is not enough.  like is Friends, family, loved one. But to share the problems scared, uncomfortable, does not want to? Or share - and you answered, “fuck Yes”, “do not worry”, “do not invent”, “stop whining"? And it becomes worse.

 And sometimes the reverse situation. A close trouble is, I want to support and don't know how. I often get questions about how to maintain what to say in a difficult situation, how best to proceed. 

I could distribute examples of supporting sentences, but the point is not well-chosen words. Let's look a little deeper.

What is support?

It is words or actions, after which the emotional state of another person is improved. In General, this is the only criterion that you supported the person - he was relieved.

Support – it is a consequence. That's what we do when 

- we see the suffering of another person;

- we have a desire to help.

As you can see(understand) that the other suffers?

the Most obvious – when he directly told about it, shared his experience.

you can Also see the suffering on the non-verbal signs – when he is crying, despondent, silent or behaves aggressively. The better you know someone, the easier it is to understand what he is experiencing.

More about the state of the other we can assume based on his situation: illness, conflict at work, difficulties in relationships, breakup, family difficulties, death of loved ones – people are rarely indifferent in such situations.

⠀Sometimes our experience does not coincide with the experience of another person. For example, close is experiencing due to layoffs, and you never fired. Or are you fired, but it has not caused you strong feelings, you were only too happy to leave the hated work. People are all different and their reactions to certain events are also different, we should not only judge by yourself. You can never understand the feelings of another, but know that he is in pain and to feel compassion.

⠀to support the other is a sincere desire to do it. This desire arises out of sympathy. This requires resources. It is difficult to sympathize when the bad. If you are sorry for everything and always – it is absolutely normal, you're human.



What are the ways to support the other?

Hearing. Sometimes people just need someone to listen to them. No estimates, no unsolicited advice, no phrases "I told you" without interrupting the conversation. Good hearing (in psychology it's called active) sometimes it is enough that the person has become easier.

Acceptance. In our culture it is not customary to openly show their feelings. Especially if they are unpleasant. When they did happen, is a shame. Adoption – it is about the fact that you acknowledge the right of others to experience these feelings, take it normally. "it is Natural that you worry", "of Course you worry, I would too ...".

Removing the uniqueness. Another way to recognize the normality of the feelings of another person – to tell him that other people also react in such situations, "Anyone would be worried in your place", "It would be weird if you had reacted differently." Here the main thing not to go in devaluation – "happens to everyone, don't worry".

the Reflection of feelings.When you call that feeling the other person, you sort of misleading "I see what's going on with you", "I care". As a rule, the closer the person, the easier it is to understand how he feels.

a Message about his feelings. Usually when a friend shares a problem that causes an emotional response. You can share this "I was scared for you!", "I sorry", "I'm sorry". Here important is the sincerity.

self-disclosure. If you have had a similar experience, can share it "I, too, as it has not been able to find work and is very anxious". Here it is important to match feelings. If you were in a similar situation, and haven't experienced, it is not necessary to share.
Help. If you have the desire and resources you can offer help. "I'm right here, you can count on me, I'm ready to help".

Gratitude. to disclose to others is not easy "Thank you for sharing, it's important to me".

Suggestion of hope. "Over time, you will feel better". You should not promise what you are not sure, to be honest.

physical contact. Depends on the closeness of relations. Pat on the shoulder, hug, hold hands with. It is sometimes more important than words.

It's just a means, not instruction. Be sincere, maintain loved ones.




2019-04-28
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