a Toxic relationship (poisonous relations). The term is relatively recent, it has many synonyms, such as "destructive relationship" "neurotic relationship". But the word "toxin" (poison) perfectly reflect the essence of such relations.

Often, these relationships are toxic for one of the couples. One source of "poison", and the second is he who receives this toxin. Here we are not talking only about a love relationship. It can be any relationship: relatives, parents, spouses, colleagues, boss-employee, friends, etc. IT is always manipulative. Often in such relationships you make it clear that something is wrong, but not saying it openly.

What happens to a person who becomes a victim of such respect?

Form of toxic relationship.

1.Victim may experience a constant feeling of guilt. Such a person can not feel confident and calm. In the normal state, the feelings of guilt must proceed in the following way: a person committed some action, he had the moral notion that this action was "not good", he felt guilty and decided not to take such action and may fix things at the moment.

you constantly in some way to blame, but blaming the partner is not leaving the relationship, but stays in the relationship and constantly shames and blames you. This often requires some bonuses for themselves. "You owe me something because that's when may 3 I feel bad for you."

2. You notice it looks like your partner you indifferent. He breaks up with you, but a sense of cold indifference is not leaving. He, in fact, not wondering how your doing and how you feel. He seemed to be not bad for you. Can provide some service, to borrow money, but you cannot feel "heat" in the party. You tell something about their experiences, and you on this: "what are you, calm down", "I've had worse..." etc.

3. You constantly have about something justify, you got prove. You can't relax, because you have to provide the father about why something. The classic version of such manipulation, it is jealousy. A more complex variant is, for example, claims that you did something or liked it, and now do not like. Suppose you have always loved bread and all of a sudden fell out of love, but did not provide a full report (and not even sent a postcard) about when you fell out of love with bread, why and what causes these changes. Moreover, it is likely your partner will completely ignore the information that you now don't eat bread and next time will make a plate full of sandwiches with bread.

4. "I'm better than you know what to do". Often, such ideas served with sauce care. Sometimes this takes the form of blackmail or threats, for example: "I'm here to make money, and you will do as I see fit."

5. Your friend, relative, colleague is constantly people suffering, but not your fault. This person is constantly calling, coming to complain. It is a form of suffering in which he is not ready to change something to improve his situation, he is not ready to receive advice or comments. And the only purpose of this person to get sympathy. Often the victim THAT feels the desire to help the suffering.

6. "Well, you sorry, what?"- the man gives you some requests that could make their own, but somehow does not. And, it seems, would answer that "looks like you'll be fine", but the habit to refuse such services has already become a tradition that the object was not clever. After all, "no skin off my nose", "I'm not sorry", "we need to do good deeds", "what if he (she) will be offended". Thus a good deed turned into duty and your obligation.

Forms very much, but what is important: THAT are gradually established. It all starts with one of something. With requests, reproach, etc. These things even for one times not very pleasant. It would be good already in this first moment to say, "stop. I'm not comfortable. Let's finish this. I helped you, I ... done, but more so do not do. I'm not going to do it."

Where does the fear to say no? People with healthy self-esteem, a man who can protect and defend yourself in the first or second episode will make it clear that I can not do so. But the problem lies in the fact that initially fall vulnerable people. Ie people where guilt lives for a long time (usually since childhood). These people have previously been victims of such relations.

In the end, both members of the relationship is unhappy. Because the manipulator in this relationship does not receive the normal love and care. He gets the shame, guilt, apology, argument.

What can you do?

you Can distance yourself from communicating.

you Can start the change in yourself. To build your boundaries. It is important to understand what you're going through. What you can do now, are you able now to protect myself somehow.

don't pretend you don't see the manipulation. It is possible to ask directly: "you this is why I say that .... (say) to hurt me?" If you are pretending to not notice the manipulation and showing it, you already removed the possibility of a repetition of these attacks.

But if you feel that the influence a specific person to you is a conscious or deliberate destruction, then the response should be tough enough. It is important to understand that if you have 10 attempts have taken and still nothing has changed, it is necessary to take more radical action. First you save yourself then relationships. Because who cares who deals destruction are close or not close. If you destroyed this man will not help you.

If you do, do and do, putting the interests of others above their own, you don't start it for more to love. But you begin to think you must submit a claim to you.

did you Ever have a toxic relationship?