Mom just love me...

And I will forsake their desires, I will cease to feel anything except what you want. My body will become insensitive, dead, receives all without disgust, anger, and pain...

I will remember that other than me that I need to endlessly try not to argue, not to argue, to adjust to guess, not to be angry. My heart, my life for another, only so that this man was happy.

And I will remain forever helpless little kid, like a blind kitten, which without you will not cope, will not survive. Every attempt to move away dump me diseases, phobias, panic attacks,

And I know I'm not smart enough, capable, beautiful, talented, good... I'll run faster and faster, without stopping to become better. Draining my body, destroying my soul...

I will not marry, will not create a family, because without me, your life loses meaning, you're so long lived only me...

And I will marry and will give you your children, your husband, your life, you still will be the most important...

And I'll take over the whole world. All of his worries, difficulties. I used to grow up, so you can rely on me, to drain, in the garbage, your feelings in her little heart, especially sadness and bitterness. I will defend you before the father, I will save your marriage, I will replace you man...

And I will allow the world to rape me, to beat, to insult, to humiliate, to ignore, to manipulate, to use... Because I deserve it, just by its very existence...

And I won't need you anymore, I will learn to rely on that you can't trust anyone. Even in a dream anxiety, God forbid something not be able, to make mistakes, to stumble...

And I'll let you control my every inhale and exhale. I'm always under surveillance. Because others know exactly what I want, what I need, who I need to be...

And I'll be strong, resistant, hiding deep inside their vulnerability, squeezing my body so tight to the vertebrae to twist and break. I forget how to ask for help and support, make the iron shield from the shame...

And I will cling to the other, to catch up, asking, begging, to just didn't leave me. Giving all of myself without reserve, just not in the emptiness of loneliness...

And I will break into pieces about the rejection, was, dislike. Unsuccessfully to search for the ideal, barefoot in the night running away from intimacy...

Mom, I'll come up with numerous ways not only to lose hope that you ever will love me...
will Love the way I want...