within the framework of what I want to write, the trauma of violence can be divided into obtained in a codependent relationship (that is, when the rules of the theory of the triangle of Karpman) and "pure" violence, when the perpetrator has always been dominant and stronger, or even people I have never been a rapist in any respects.
In the future, the violence makes people cautious and distrustful sverdiolas. These qualities remain with him for a long time or even forever. And, of course, reflected in the behaviour and all relations into which man enters.
This careful and constant fears of a repetition of the terrible experience of a very restricted area of perception, flowing through the internal emotional filters only familiar and emotionally-charged. That is the danger and what to avoid.
And from this place also there are two the process is sometimes different, sometimes merging into two-track. One of them, internal, sensitive, and the other is external, behavioral, but no less coming from the emotional sphere, and often from the unconscious parts of the psyche.
mentally Injured person as the injured physically, will periodically zadavalsya sore spot about the other people and the world. And the more and stronger the less acknowledges the existence of this painful point. And if you remember it, understand its limits, to know where else it grows roots, then have the opportunity to choose how to deal carefully with each particular situation. Yes, it is not the fact that it will always happen, but at least from this one.
And the reaction to such interference is simply exorbitant. Well, of course - whether healthy knee accidentally hurt locker, passing by, whether broken the previous fall and have not sagusa. In the first case, you will want to swear and rubbing a bruised knee, and in the second the pain will darken the mind, and push you in disorientation. Instead of drawers can be another person, even the closest.
And then, in the second case, it is important to share your pain to that caused by right now and that machine is attached from the past (ancient or not). That is: "I understand that you caused me 30 cents, but it hurts me 2 rubles." This will help to preserve the relationship without requiring a different responsible for the full amount, and even so it is possible to introduce another map of your inner terrain, telling where in boots should not go. And then you can get an apology for being 30 cents and the sympathy and support for a ruble and seventy.
And it's all about the first process, which is internal and very emotional. The beginning of which almost never seen eye of a stranger. A second process is a response who suddenly "have exchanged their 2 rubles." And there is also a direct correlation between knowing where there is some amount of pain - from today or from yesterday.
If there is an understanding that hit a sore spot, you can acknowledge their pain, anger at the situation, in which converged many factors that this pain happened again, from your own insecurity in this place, hurt, anger and resentment towards someone who came in sick. And then you can go through the pain and all the feelings connected with it, in a way that asks, clamping them, loudly and sincerely to notify the other, who was at this moment careless or even ignorant about the sick place on someone else's body or soul. And if possible please on how to me not need explanation on the immediate example of why it is not necessary. And in the end - possible understanding another, apology, compensation, and - most important - saving the relationship.
If there is no understanding that today's pain has its powerful roots in yesterday and eagerly eats out, then naturally there is a desire to ask today causing all of 2 rubles of their pain.
And at this point no longer matter, whether the violence of the past committed in a codependent relationship or not. In any case, in this situation, Gestalt, striving for completion, includes the regulations theory of Karpman.
If the person was previously familiar with this type of relationship, just coming out of the Victim role, he will assume the role of the Pursuer. If the past violence that has not healed, it was done out of co-dependent relationships, but at the moment people are not aware that the principal offender is not the one now on the contrary, his attempt to exact revenge on him can also be considered from the point of view of the triangle of Karpman.
And therein lies the fundamental difference between this action from the revenge or punishment of the real rapist. When there is a sense that revenge is a legitimate, balanced caused, relevant and clear, it brings relief. And the notorious Gestalt is closed and the inside of the human relationship with the abuser does not continue. They fail.
But today fighting in "the wrong man" starts acting out the role of "triangle". Because the one who accidentally stepped on a sore spot, haven't been willing to pay 2 rubles for their negligence. And if they are with him trying to ask, then at some point it may abandon its 30 cents, because it rightly believes that by demanding from him 2 rubles, he himself becomes a Victim and he feels his 30-penny duty paid is already being felt. This is the theory of Karpman - the endless flow of the three roles.
And out of this infinity of pain of the wounded and those who is not going to cause in the understanding of what is happening. In the division of pain today and yesterday, in the ability to take a step back and admit his mistake, to agree, to warn, to me not necessary, to protect himself and his wounds. And to go from where not to hear.