so, we talked about the interrelatedness of trauma and resource in the option "silver lining". Reverse option, consider the type of "Good intentions lined the road to hell" ("the Good must be with fists", "Wanted as better, it turned out as always", "the Best is the enemy of the good", "All good, but not for the benefit of all", "And good is evil", "Kindness without intelligence is empty" "From love to hatred - one step", "Where laughter, there's tears", "lays Gently but firmly to bed" etc.).
oddly enough, the redundancy is any resource in the relationship can generate their trauma, be it positive, it would seem, emotions or, for example, the surplus of the financial condition of the parties. And then under certain conditions we can meet in practice such concepts as Hyper, overcontrol, dictatorship, pathological jealousy, manipulative communication, etc., which may contribute to a parallel growth in the relationship, immaturity, aggression, anxiety, depression, lies, helplessness. And, as a rule, exaggerated manifestations of actively demonstrating justified by their side, and in the first place - to the other party in specific relationships (parent-child, marital, friendships, employment, etc.).
Therefore, the personal and interpersonal understanding and actual skills indicate the boundaries of expression of certain resources in the relations play a significant role. To love but not to smother a pseudo-love. To take care not to push overcontrol. To dominate (why not?), but to respect and consider the opinions of others, not to humiliate. To preserve relationships and foster the growth of trust and not to fantasize and to seek out the treachery. To store a joint choice, but I don't deprive myself and another law to change it.
Perhaps the above looks idealistic. However, in doing so, you can come to the reality in which the resource even after becoming injured, can again efficiently be reborn (we talked about this in the last time first part).
And finally - to prevent neurosis of reaching any perfect relationship is a parable:
Parable of the perfect woman and man
there Lived a man who avoided marriage all his life and when he died at the age of ninety years, someone asked him:
You never got married, but never told why. Now, standing on the brink of death just to satisfy our curiosity. If there is a secret, even now cutting it - after you die, leave this world. Even if your secret know, harm, it will not hurt.
the old Man replied:
- Yes, I'm keeping a secret. Not that I was against marriage, but I was always looking for the perfect woman. I spent the whole time searching, and so passed my life.
- But is this huge planet, populated by millions of people, half of whom were women, you could not find a single perfect woman?
a Tear rolled down the cheek of a dying man. He said,
- No, one I still found.
Questioner was perplexed.
- and Then what happened, why didn't you get married?
And the old man said:
- That woman was looking for the perfect man...