What is "personality"? This view of the human self which has developed as a result of his life experience. It is the image itself. It is formed like a diamond, which is cut into life's circumstances. The kinds of diamond is changing, there are new faces, but sometimes people don't notice that he is no longer the same as before. He continues to keep the original notion of the self, formed in childhood under the influence of significant loved ones, and this phenomenon is called infantilism. Immaturity is the refusal of maturity as the ability to perceive the World in accordance with the reality Principle, and therefore from the possibility to change it in accordance with their wishes, using will power and intention.
More detail on the formation and evidence of mental injury, "the Injured person or a person with the container".
How are the relations and life of such a person?
the Injured person often turns out to be the current character in the drama of the Karpman triangle (Victim, Rescuer, Persecutor).
If the person is in at least one of the roles it will be to move from one role to another within the drama triangle. The output of "treugolnikov" role often is a separate and difficult task and is described below.
let us now Examine these roles in more detail.
Victim. Do note that it is necessary to distinguish between the victim and the "Victim". The victim is one with whom there was a tragic episode. The victim is the one who benefits from his alleged helplessness. The man begins to play the role.
by the Way, in order to start playing the role of the Victim does not have to be really affected. This behavioral pattern can be unconsciously copied from one parent and internalized as winning.
so, you see, or play the role of the Victim if:
- demonstrate the helplessness and believe that all you need to help, to pity, to sympathize. It happen occasionally is not (typical of any relationship where we get sympathy, concern, and support), and is the core of any relationship whose sole purpose is to get the benefit. Moral or material;
- build your life in such a way as to avoid re-injury. The leading role is played not by common sense, and fear. The person totally avoids places, people, situations that cause stress.
Benefits of the Victim on a social level – getting, so necessary for each person "strokes" in the form of sympathy, of forgiveness. It is the role of irresponsibility. Often manifested in the psychological game, "Yes, but...". Certainly you have observed and participated in such a dialogue, when one person begins to complain of difficult life circumstances, and you start to advice him that you can do with them, but all they hear is "Yes, but.. and a bunch of reasons why he can't do it. You are trying to find another way and I hear again: "Yes, but ... and so on to infinity. Until you begin to feel like a chump. The disgusting feeling of being used. Such a person need not exit the Board. On a psychological level, he needs to win his game, by debasing your efforts.
the family of the Victim role may be played by any family member: mother, who shouldered all the responsibilities around the house and does not allow anyone who offers her help: "I better do this myself, but then you'll ruin everything!". Dad, who grew up in a large family with an alcoholic father and this fact entitles him to particularly respect. Parents spoiled child who always hurt and will never recover, yet it is beneficial to hurt.
brought up As the victim? Professional Victim generates a Lifeguard. These roles are not one without the other.
the Lifeguard is the man who at the social level, all trying to help, more involved in the Affairs and concerns other than their own. On a psychological level through other trying to help yourself.
it is also important to distinguish between professions, involving professional help: doctors, psychologists, fire, emergency, etc., let's call them Professional Rescuers. And "Baywatch," playing the role that I feel obliged to help people. Now I mean those who always knows exactly what the other person needs, what he should do and what not to do. Often they do not ask for help, but that doesn't stop them.
actually, the "Rescuer" as a professional Victim receives considerable psychological benefits from this role. And just as it is necessary to distinguish between the victim and the Victim, it is important to distinguish between the man who helps you, and "Rescuer". The second interest is not to do to help, and to obtain owed to him for his role psychological benefits. And benefits.
the Motif of "the Lifeguard" is a benefit:
- he thus fueling its importance;
- he gets eternal gratitude and dependence "Victim".
For the Rescuers is typical to sacrifice himself when no one asks, and then to reproach the ingratitude of others, often family members. In fact - this very destructive relationship, the most painful for children, who feel their dependence on parents, but when they are their children's, healthy relationship is to blame remains an open wound for life. Becoming for adults, a wounded child can't get rid of intolerable feelings of guilt and resentment, unexpressed anger. He cannot afford joy and pleasure in life. The result is addiction: alcoholism, drug addiction, etc.
When the Lifeguard reproaches of ingratitude, he turns into a Stalker. Stalker shows veiled violence when the forces to do anything to his charge, saying: "Going to thank me again!". Food most often manifests violence: "Well, eat one more spoonful!". Or when parents get involved in relationships of their children, interests. cutting them off from opportunities to own experience. So it turns out a new Victim.
Rescuers become former Victims. Unconscious fear to face their own problems, their own pain, powerlessness, they are methodically trying to heal ourselves through others. To me this process is like playing with dolls. Watching how the child plays with the doll, not being a professional, to see all the problems of this child. If the child had a stomach ache – it will be to treat the stomach of the doll, if the child has visited a dentist's office – it certainly will treat the puppet's mouth if the child was exposed to physical violence – he is a doll to beat.
to Trace how the Victim becomes a Persecutor as an example can be spoiled with a painful childhood of a child that turns parents into their slaves, forcing to fulfill any whim. To elderly people this is also often true, when they start to act up, requiring their children more and more attention.
In fact, the whole life becomes a struggle for a place in the triangle. The tale about little Red riding Hood perfectly illustrates this relationship. Little red riding Hood, for example, is a victim pursuing her Wolf, as long as it does not save the Hunters. In the end she turns into a Stalker, pushing the stones in his stomach, and now the Victim Is a Wolf.
to get out of it,
the Victim of the need to take responsibility for their lives and abandon a profitable learned helplessness. I.e. to make their own choices and remain with the consequences of that choice. Anyone not transferring responsibility.
the Lifeguard have to deal with the guilt and resentment (to find causes in the past and respond to the children's situation, where the parents likely were insolvent in their parent role, or is not able to keep the family healthy relationship. The process of psychotherapy to identify a funnel of injury and, if possible, to integrate the traumatic experience into the patient's personality.
the Stalker have to admit their aggression, learn to recognize its proper use. To use correctly is to defend their personal boundaries in relationships, to achieve set goals, get results in sports, business, etc.
I Hope the reader will forgive a few simplified model of the decision such a difficult task as contact and work with psychological trauma. In psychotherapy it takes years. Minimum 1 – 3 years. For each patient, traumatized, all the roles you need to follow and learn from them to leave.
Illustration: Victoria Belova "Third way"
E. Bern's "Beyond games and scripts".
M. E. Cherepanov "Psychological stress. Help yourself and the child."