"Triangle love" or how past relationships influence the present.
In this article I want to share my experience and thoughts on the subject of unfinished relations and those close to this.
Almost all therapists and clients somehow come to the understanding that people build relationships (friendship, work, personal) is already based on a particular experience in their psyche, and this experience somehow conducts the processes of that relationship. Although I do not rule out a creative device, but in my opinion the percentage of creative, new relationship building is very small.
since the topic is extensive, I do not claim to describe everything, but I'm sure in use and interest in the subject.
Hello from my parents.
as relations with parents (especially with mother) the first in a person's life, they are also the most important. Here I want to highlight the distinction between full-fledged families and orphans. And the first and second very much depend on parental figures, anyway, the orphans are still in the future have an idea about his parents, as they did with them what happened and these children build their attitude about the institution of the family. Just in case orphans are additionally superimposed imprint of the children's home or families-carers-also lay the level of self-esteem, relationship to yourself, and from there the relationship for the future.
Talking about love triangles, this refers to the psychological triangle. Speaking about parental figure, there is more about the question of what the Gestalt, the script beliefs are formed in humans for relationships. Anyway sometimes people will be forced to live gestalta the parent system, the question of what he will inherit and what he can do. For example, a girl came into therapy saying "All my men are goats". Later in the process found out that in her family women chose men alcoholics, the ill, unreliable. They have never taken to respect men. This situation can be passed on from generation to generation as a consequence of intense emotion, crisis, trauma that generated the need to see a worthless man. That is, in this case, the third corner was some kind of great-grandmother saying, "men are not worthy of respect". To the question what to do with it? Go to a psychologist)). Personally, I have one idea how to work with such phenomena, even if they are the family dynamics.
for example, a person is not as good and nice as he could afford. And then he's either in therapy or just by spontaneous remission understands that for a long time deprived themselves of the benefits, and the lifetime has passed. I see many processes of grief at the loss. And stages of living similar to the 1 grief-shock, denial, 2-anger, 3-bargaining, the deal is a 4 - depression 5-acceptance. Further, the emergence of new opengov relations. Although of course everything is always individually each client, each psychologist and each direction of therapy can be a lot to do with it.
And the most interesting topic of the third angle, where are the parents. They choose people for relationships which, in the third corner are the same parents who also choose people according to certain needs and scenarios. That is, in the example above was the great-grandmother wants to see a number of not respecting the man, but men was a piece that wanted to be humiliated.
the Theme of the contribution of parents in the current life is very extensive and interesting examples can be gathers a huge amount. There was such a case. In therapy, with a desire to establish a personal relationship with his girlfriend. In the process it became clear that in its second half she sees in a greater degree of maternal figure, expecting her unconditional love, respect and acceptance, though assured that she likes a brave and strong girl. That discrepancy wants to be with a girl, and needs do not coincide. At the question, and what you can offer to your girlfriend in a relationship? There was no answer. In the end, she acknowledged that her of to live with "a child without a mom and dad" not very comfortable that she understands. And work from the riverbed of interpersonal relationships left to the parent-child relationship.
Hello from former partners.
in the third corner very often parents can be people from previous relationships. The principle of their action from the third corner is about the same. One of the few differences is that the parent-child relationship is for life, that is, parents will always be parents and children will always be children. Marital relationship can begin and end, begin and end. And this is their feature.
here is an interesting example. Came a young couple. The guy says "Meet for almost a year, everything was very fine, the last couple of months she became very withdrawn." And kind of want to be together, but don't understand what's going on. The guy was very worried that they will break up, the girl didn't understand that it is not satisfied. It turns out the girl abruptly lost interest when they started talking about how they will live together, and then she had a strong feeling of interpersonal relationship that is the trigger started this process about 3 years ago the girl came to an abrupt end very close, trusting relationship with the guy she was engaged. She was stunned, but even does not grieve about them, although they said that the relationship was strong. In the face of incomplete relationships. Then, when the idea of the engagement she and her ex-boyfriend abruptly disconnected from the relationship and began to take his position, and her current boyfriend began to grieve over the absence of their relationship instead of her. So she's standing on the position of his former compensated for the lack in her life and began to defend themselves from experiencing feelings of grief from loss. Thus, in a third corner, the girl stood her ex who had sent her relations in the direction of disintegration as did he.
Very often, previous relationships do affect the present, because every relationship is a certain experience that the person goes forward.
I Hope my article will shed a little light on the subject of these "triangles" will be interesting and useful to have as colleagues and all those interested in.
Thank you for your attention, all the best.)