THREE MAIN TENET IN BUILDING RELATIONSHIPS AT an EARLY STAGE. WHAT TO PAY ATTENTION AT TIMES DIZZYING LOVE?

I Have the answers to all your questions, but I swear, you're not going to listen to them until you're smooth Roller Great Experience.

Richard Bach.

1. Knowledge of themselves, their goals, desires, respect your boundaries and priorities.
   
   When a person falls in love, very often under the influence of hormones and romantic dreams, he forgets about what is really important to him, begins bargaining with yourself that these desires are not so important, and in relationships can all be overcome and generally somehow all works out. Is not formed. And after some time, someone it only takes a month or three, and someone is not enough and a few years, man returns to himself and his desires and then takes the lead and the global crisis in the relationship. It turns out that all this time, loving and happy people moved into the background their true desires and aspirations, especially if they do not coincide with the desires and aspirations of the chosen one.
   In the beginning of this paragraph requires constant monitoring and attention, you must every time ask yourself and your partner questions: what are our true desires what we really want from life and from a particular relationship, whether our values and priorities? br>If one of the partners, the models are well built and the other still undecided with what he wants, who he is and what in the world is, these relations are doomed to failure. Not knowing will always lead the other towards their goals, at some point, get tired of it, either to the host or slave will find its own guidelines, and in the case of fundamental differences, existing relationships will be under threat of destruction. Sometimes at this stage undecided partner under the influence of illusions can agree with the values of the other partner, in order not to lose those relationships. In this case, it's important to ask questions about how people imagine all this is, interested in details and ways to achieve the desired. the
   Separate place in this paragraph is – respect personal boundaries.
   Need to learn how to build their own personal boundaries and to clearly focus on their needs. If the partner does something that causes You pain, or something that You find unacceptable in relation to itself, it is enough just once to tell your partner about it. If it is respect Your feelings and Your boundaries is not a priority, it is necessary to think carefully about that, does he respect You in principle. This includes: the criticism of You and Your appearance, a skeptical attitude toward what You do, ridiculing something You hold dear.
2. Lack of idealization of the partner. Encountering a particular person and falling in love, it seems to us that he is the best, wisest, most beautiful, we start to idealize him and to build a relationship not with a real person, and the way that you wanted to see. In the end, we are entangled in the constructed illusions and cease to notice the obvious facts and the voice of reason. We turn a blind eye to the obvious shortcomings, the quiet bells that alert us about the existence of contradictions and conflicts. But, in fact, we believe in "real" love and believe that we can all overcome. During this period we do not hear of relatives or friends do not pay attention to the words of psychologists, are highly sensitive to any criticism towards your beloved. At this time you need to be especially careful and cautious. After all, when the period of idealization of the pass, You will meet face-to-face with a real person, and not the fact that this person You actually suitable.
   Here a single word I want to say about the situation when the partner does not believe in himself. Usually in this situation "sin" women and trying to instill the belief in your man. But there are men that over and over again to comfort his woman, hope that she will change her attitude to life, to love yourself, etc.
   If Your partner does not love himself, and he to love can not, due to You and your relationship, it will start to patch holes in their self esteem and require You to understand and evidence Your love.
3. the Ability to accept and love a partner the way he is now, not as they could be under the circumstances, Your personality or Your love.
   
   for Example, a man flirts with other girls and his lover starts to justify his behavior and illusions that when they get married, he'll stop looking elsewhere and will only love her one. Or a man, falling in love, begins to believe that with the advent of children, a woman will throw their extreme Hiking, skiing or visiting the trendy boutiques, etc. a Woman may throw, but if that was important to her, sooner or later she will start to blame themselves for what has allowed to change their identity and compromise their interests.
   do Not expect from the man that someday he'll stop doing what You don't like or Vice versa will support Your point of view. Perhaps it will happen, but to rely on it and make all the bets are clearly not worth it. After all, when You realize that the expected did not happen, You will inevitably be disappointed in your choice. In General, the desire to justify, to endure, to change and improve this is not the right behavior within personal boundaries. You shouldn't hope that people will take Your point of view or You will be able to change his mind. Need to learn how to build their own personal boundaries and to clearly focus on their needs. br>Words mean nothing compared to actions.
   you Can talk about love, but these words are absolutely worthless, if your partner ignores Your needs.
   basically, to demand that it respect and don't need. Or it it already has (laid down in the basic configuration), or You have to grind partner about it every time You stumble to the point of incomprehension. If You like to re-educate and overcome again and again problems in relationships to know what You done, good luck on this journey.
   For those who have passed this stage it is better to get out of such toxic relationships.

Khrychikov S. A., a certified psychologist, professional tarragon, certified MAC specialist.