Три причины, по которым люди общаются

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At first glance, the reasons for communication can be set. But if they are to perform, in fact, all of their diversity can be reduced to just three reasons. I would even say two. Because the third reason it is better to call a pseudo-cause. It brings neither joy nor good, and life is complicated significantly.

the first Reason. The desire to establish contact.

There are people with whom you personally to communicate easily and pleasantly. If you don't see them for a long time, you can miss them. If you see them, you can experience joy. Such people "want to engage". And then everything goes easy. Friends do not "tune in" to a conversation, to relax about this, something to think over, to calculate the consequences.


Love each other relatives, too, should not be asked to make an effort and socialize. I remembered about someone who wanted to chat? Called and chatted. Wanted to meet? Met and had a nice talk.

everyone has people with whom communication is not difficult. Even introverts (especially introverts!). Even the closed and uncommunicative there are people in the environment.

If you have a desire to establish contact with another person, you just make (unless, of course, not against the other).

the second Reason. The need to obtain information.

no One will think twice to ask where the bathroom is, if you really need. No one will be a long time to ponder what impression it will produce, if he wants to ask how to get to the platform when the train leaves in 5 minutes.

If you have a need to get real right information – many doubts disappear. In such situations, introverts forget about his rich inner world, and the undecideds are becoming very active.


the third Reason. Or pseudo-reason.

Sometimes people talk, because they have the illusion that it should be done. "don't want". You just have to. Otherwise... there Will be consequences.

– it is Necessary to communicate with their relatives because they are relatives. Otherwise, I will lose contact with family, no one to count on in a difficult situation.

– it is Necessary to deal with unpleasant colleagues, because in our company cultivated team spirit and the idea of corporatism.

– it is Necessary to shake hands with neighbors, and they'll think that I'm ill-mannered people.

– Should be nice to the seller, because I'm a regular customer and I see her every day.

– it is Necessary to make small talk with these guests at the wedding, otherwise, I think that I and chat do not know how...

– it is Necessary to communicate with my mom... She's my mom!

– it is Necessary to communicate with men and get married because, Oh God, the train's leaving!

– want to connect with Tanya because she's my friend...

– it is Necessary to communicate with Peter because he is my sister's husband, and she, if anything, will take offense at me.



I don't want to say that this third reason – some bad or wrong. Well, it is what it is. But it is accompanied by some extremely negative things about which you should know if you have to communicate for this reason.

1) Such communication is often accompanied by all sorts of "tortures", including moral, emotional, psychological. To cross through itself, is always unpleasant. Here you can find a place to delays and charges, patience and indifference, ostentatious politeness and unspoken anger.

2) Such communication will generate internal conflicts, discomfort, feeling that not doing what you want, and generally do not live as I want, not his life, and that which is accepted.

3) Here the dependencies – from the opinions of others, from oblique views, from the expectations of others.

But most importantly, the communication for this reason (pseudo-reason) will never lead to the fact that life will be better, and man happier.

Indeed, this all definitely is hiding something. Some need, some true desire.

it's Hard to say "no"? And, actually, why? Because then will be offended, will not to communicate with me... And then what? Digging, you can find first the desire to be "good" to please others, and, further still, the fear of being unaccepted, rejected... Maybe something else – everyone has his own case! but something will be found.

it is possible to dig, to understand, to work, but... why? When much simpler, cheaper, safer to just chat as it should, who should, what is expected...

And it's not terrible. Afraid to stop to greet a man not respected. Afraid to sever ties with hateful relatives. Scared to leave the hated team and refuse to work. Afraid to stop seeing a friend, which is really annoying. Scared to refuse the chief, who already crossed all limits with their requests.

And it is also a choice. Something very reasonable. With their consequences.



Good communication, fruitful, pleasant, effective, comfortable, warm, respectful... pick more if you want, words – that communication can only be for the first two reasons.

In fact, the third is not necessary. Because the third reason is a PSEUDO-reason. She is the reason for something else, but not for communication.

Oksana Konovalova
2018-10-07
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