They are incredibly conflicted couple. It seems that everything that happens between them — solid voltage! They constantly complain to each other, each other's family, friends, each other and each other's kids, even if they are joint. Or especially if they are joint. Because they are, again, see each other.
So much torment between them. Impotence. Fear. Despair. Because, when together, they do not allow thoughts. Because of their reasons. You can't let go. And be next not. To stay alive and in one piece does not work, when the next second.
the Scandals have become an almost daily component. Or life is divided into periods, when you can pretend that not all is bad when you can tolerate and when it is already unbearable that we have to endure it all. Then you can "reset", "bleed" voltage into another scandal or even rupture and care.
And what we have to endure? What is this intolerance? It turns out that everyone has something of their own. But certainly that is at odds with the personal picture of the world. Or even at odds with self. I often hear from people of such pairs: "If I take it to her/him, then I wouldn't be me!!!"
Here and continue to live in the gap and to take will not, and do not want to leave. But with time to live is becoming repertoriee. The scandals become more lingering and terrible. Meanings have less. Blood each other to spoil more. But continue to stay together.
All the friends and relatives have decided that they need to leave. Camps have already been decided. And clear roles, who is against whom and on whose side of the war. Many times negotiations for a drink and sober about the fact that She/He doesn't deserve you and a woman/a man like you, you'll find yourself a million much better who will truly love and appreciate.
And, to be fair, each of these two individually are wonderful people. They do not take advantages. They have amazing traits. They are kind, or generous, or charismatic, or well-balanced. I love children, altruistic, humane, purposeful, with them warm and interesting. Yes, much more! They are really beautiful! When you are not next to each other.
And it is not clear how they ever thought to create a Union. And it is not clear how to proceed. There are no such recipes that could resolve their contradictions irresistible force once and for all. And this rejection relative to each other, this constant rejection of any personality traits other definitely not lead to convergence, not allow to become allies and supporters.
I do Not know what the reason is that such couples recently come to me. If they all were waiting for something, and now it's time and they went to work about their relationship. They have sad face, sad soul and a sad life story. And a lot of work ahead and many unknowns. Nobody can predict what decisions they will take and what you think is best for yourself. What will bring them joy, happiness and ease their burden.
I am proud of them all. Their every decision. Each scream. Every tears and every laughter. I am proud that they continue to work even when everything is falling apart and it seems that there is no clearance in front. I am proud of their success because they are sure to achieve success. I'm proud of them, because their strength and example cannot fail to impress.
And to finish I want to quote Helena Kaliteevskii:
"the Relationship is the ability to withstand the imperfection of each other and forgive each other's imperfection.
3 resource in the relationship: presence, acceptance, forgiveness.
the Ability to sustain itself.
the Ability to withstand the other.
the Ability to forgive ourselves and others for imperfection."