In the process of living together the couple sets the rules (clearly spoken or executable, but not discussed openly), which regulates important events.
I Want to offer you two rules that will help to make the family conflicts more constructive.
1. Never conceal if you don't like something.
2. Never go to sleep angry.
it Seems simple, but in these rules a lot of sense.
Some people think that conflict is bad. And all ways try to avoid them. As a result of accumulating a lot of unspoken hard feelings that ruin relationships.
My thesis: conflict is a good and useful family system!
it is only Important to know how to interfere.
After all, what is conflict is a clash of interests. We are alive and it is normal that we may not be the same views on some things. The result of this collision and the presentation of their interests and needs is born a solution that can satisfy everyone. And will produce the emotions that arose because of unmet needs, and to better understand partner.
you Need to divide the scandal (which is an extreme form of conflict, when it is "boiling") and the conflict, as the pronunciation of their emotions and find solutions.
the sooner you report to your partner about their comfort and dissatisfaction - the less the intensity of emotions. The longer you save up the resentment, the worse you can manage your emotions and the process of conflict.
There are a few important rules of the conflict:
1. Remember that you are in the same boat and on the same side of the barricades. You together against the situation, not against each other. And to keep this rule in the focus of attention when negotiating.
2. Instead of blaming the other - talk about their feelings and needs. Compare:
- You don't drive me anywhere, colors you won't and anyway, I want gifts and attention!
In recent times I feel that I lack experiences, I would like to go with you to some interesting place (figure out where?). And I would also like a nice surprise from you, such as flowers or a small gift. It would make me so happy!
3. To agree in advance that you are not just expressing your emotions, but seeking a solution. If you just decide not to work and need time - stipulate it. How many you will return to this issue.
as for the second rule - it eliminates the desire to lower the problem "on the brakes". Or to finish all mutual claims, without joint search for solutions.
of Course, about these rules it is better to negotiate with a partner in advance.