After a divorce, parents often begin to criticize ex-husband/wife in front of the child and notice in the child the features of the former spouse who are not like you, and criticizing them in the child!
what do you think - what impact on the mental condition of the child, if it is constantly saying that his father was scum, pig, ungrateful bastard and don't be like your father or that mother is a whore, hysterical, unbalanced and so on?
Next I will write about a situation when you criticize the father, as children often remain with their mothers, but the situation, when abused mother is no less traumatic for the child.
I'm going to write about a boy because boys father criticism the most painful, because he unconsciously identificeret himself with his father on the floor, but criticism of the parent of the opposite sex is also traumatize the child's psyche.
When talking with the child about the former spouse - always remember that it's 50% you and 50% from the spouse, and if you criticize her former husband with him or tell him not to be like his father - that create and reinforce an internal conflict: because he loves you and he can decide not to show the traits father!
now imagine a boy who completely abandoned the traits of the father and activates only maternal traits - what would it be? Whether his behavior is feminine? How will this affect his relationship with the girls - I tell you a secret - he will hate (what do you think - why? Write in the comments your ideas).
in addition, it be try not to show yourself to the part which he inherited from his father (the same applies to criticism of a parent of their own sex)!
But if you block the features of the father - they are not going anywhere, and will go into his Shadow and will be the stronger, the harder it will be to deal with them.
As a result, he either dobratsya to the disease: somatic or mental, or he will have uncontrolled outbreaks of conditions with which he is fighting.
in addition, if you tell the child that he is the spitting image of the father (in a negative way) - this will only reinforce in him those traits that you criticize, and also forbid him to be a - you give him "parent message": "don't be yourself - be like my father!"
If you love your child and do wish him well - all their negativity about the former spouse leave the Cabinet of the therapist, in confession or return to the former, but save him from this unbearable burden for him!
Author: psychologist Eugene Korchmarek
the Article on my website: